SELL BUY PROPERTY

BUYER: Chris Evans
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $3,250,000
SIZE: 4,599 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We first heard word from Yolanda Yakketyak a few days ago and then we heard it again this morning from Lucy Spillerguts who both snitched that body-licious actor Chris Evans dropped a bit more than $3.5 million on a walled and gated superhero-worthy lair high above Laurel Canyon in Los Angeles, CA.

Young Mister Evans, now in his early thirties, has primarily made a Showbiz name for himself portraying super-empowered superheros in a trio of money-minting blockbuster film franchises adapted from comic book stories: the Fantastic Four, The Avengers and Captain America. According to the fine folk at Box Office Mojo just those three, still rolling franchises have hauled in more than a billion bucks in gross theater receipts and that's not counting all the swag and crap they market and sell the hell out of with these big tent fantasy-action superhero flicks. Here's hoping Mister Evans teams of managers, agents and business managers managed to snag a bit of the back end of those juggernauts.

Mister Evans also had a small part the well regarded fantasy-comedy Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, a starring roll in the also well regarded Danny Boyle directed sci-fi thriller Sunshine and the romantic lead in the unmitigated box office flop The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond with skilled Tinseltown scion-ess Bryce Dallas Howard.

For better and worse Mister Evens is probably as well known for his well-formed physique. Much to the drooling delight of lusty people of all persuasions he is frequently photographed shirtless with his thigh-thick biceps a-bulge, his abs a-ripple and his body hair meticulously manicured. Not unexpectedly the six foot tall side of man-beef has over his nearly 15 years in Tinseltown attracted and (allegedly) dated a slew of also well-formed and high profile females who include Kate Bosworth, Jessica Biel, Gisele Bündchen, Christina Ricci and Amy Smart. So the tabs and gossip glossies say, Mister Evens is currently romantically entangled with actress Minka Kelly (Friday Night Lights, Parenthood, the t.v. series Charlie's Angels) who herself has a bit of a thing for well-formed and high profile man-friends including but not limited to Derek Jeter, John Mayer and Donald Faison.

Property records and other online resources reveal the seller purchased the property only last June (2012) for $1,901,000, gave it a once over with the renovation stick by the Stewart-Gulrajani Designs team and popped it back on the market in February (2013) with a $3.5 million price tag. There appears to have been some competition for the freshly rehabbed residence because it quickly went into escrow and sold in early April for twenty grand over the asking price.

A high wall with locked and secured entry gates zig-zags its way around and completely encloses the front yard that is both usually roomy and flat for a house located this high in the hills. The landscaping plan called for a long patch of grass cut by a uniformly repetitious row of large rectangular concrete pavers that lead to the front door. To one side the lawn is punctuated by a two-tiered square fountain set into a pill-shaped crushed granite pad. Your Mama suggests aggressively prickly bougainvillea be planted around the perimeter that's encouraged to balloon and drape in a riot of fuchsia over the top of the wall. Just a thought.

Listing details Your Mama managed to squirrel out of the depths of the interweb shows the newly stucco-sided and fully contemporized ranch residence has three bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms, a count that may or may not include the separate but attached one bedroom and one bathroom guest/staff apartment.
A barely there entry vestibule spills immediately into the formal living room with dark brown wood floors, a pitched ceiling and a simple firebox set into a masonry wall flanked by two nearly floor to ceiling windows that frame sweeping canyon, mountain top and San Fernando Valley views.

The adjacent dining room has a vaulted ceiling crossed by a muscular exposed truss with rugged steel hardware. The room is well equipped with a built-in wet bar/serving station and a wall of glass doors that expose the room to the same expansive views as the living room.

The less formal living areas center around a spacious open-concept kitchen that's expensively equipped with a 60-inch commercial-style name-brand range surmounted by a massive 10-foot wide industrial stainless steel vent hood. There's also, according to listing details, a built-in microwave, a warming drawer (or two), a pair of dishwashers, a side-by-side fridge and freezer set up, and a built-in Euro-brand coffee maker. The dark wood custom cabinets are topped by a uniformly striated slabs of stone that listing details call out as "Italian Bianca Marble." Only the massive, bi-level center island/snack bar separates the kitchen from the somewhat slender family room that opens through a series of collapsing glass doors to backyard and swimming pool.
Off to one side and beyond the concrete terracing along the back of the house and around the dark-bottom free-form pool and elevated circular spa, there's an elevated, tree-shaded viewing spot ringed by a meandering stone wall. Just below that a long poured concrete bench runs along the slope near a built in fire pit.

Above the attached two-car garage and blessed with a separate, private exterior entrance is a handy-dandy guest house with a small but high-grade open-plan kitchen that's probably bigger and better equipped than the average person's kitchen, a living/dining room with expansive panoramic view, a separate bedroom with access to private balcony through a sliding glass door, and a crisply modern full bathroom.

As it turns out, Mister Evans's new digs happen to be just down the street from the spacious mansion his ex-girlfriend Jessica Biel now shares with her new husband Justin Timberlake who bought the property in 2002 for $8,300,000 from actress Helen Hunt. The promontory perched compound at the end of the street has long been shrouded in mystery but—so the gossip goes—is owned by Tom Cruise.

Property records—and Lucy Spillerguts—tell us that the Lexus-driving Mister Evans has owned another house above Laurel Canyon in the Hollywood Hills that's just a quarter mile as the crow flies from his new house since 2007 when he paid $1,260,000 for a two-story, 1977 mock-Med foreclosure situation with three bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms in 2,386 square feet. As far as we know, the property is not currently on the open market.

listing photos: LAMERICA

SELLER: Tony Dovolani and Trebelina "Lina" Jani Dovolani
LOCATION: Stratford, CT
PRICE: $399,000
SIZE: 2,020 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: This morning Your Mama received—along with every other property gossip, we presume—an entirely unexpected press release that announced Albanian-born professional ballroom dancer Tony Dovolani has listed his humble (and perfectly ordinary) home in historic and suburban Stratford, CT with a $399,000 price tag.

Stratford, in case some of the children aren't familiar with the Greater New York metropolitan area, is about 62 miles from Midtown Manhattan along the jam-packed and traffic choked I-95 corridor between Bridgeport and Milford. The community was founded in the late 1630s by Puritans who probably found its geographic location at the mouth of the Housatonic River that pours into the Long Island Sound ideal for all the obvious reasons.

Since 2006, Mister Dovolani—now pushing 40 but still in possession of the firm body of a 25 year old—has twinkled his fox trotting toes on the long-running and still wildly popular Dancing With the Stars program. Over his 15 consecutive seasons the champion dancer has shaken his money maker with a long list of celebrity and semi-celebrity ladies such as professional wrestler turned actress Stacy Keibler, the legendary Jane Seymour, baby factory Kate Gosselin, Kathy Ireland—the model not the decorator, radio sassy pants Wendy Williams, and tennis great Martina Navratilova. Early on Mister Dovolani received an Emmy nomination for his Jive dancing choreographic efforts and last fall he won the hotly contested dance competition for the first time with partner Melissa Rycroft.* Mister Dovolani, so our research reveals, co-owns a small but growing chain of dance studios with—among others—the Chmerkovskiy brothers Maksim and Valentin, also of Dancing With the Stars fame, and their father Sasha.

Property records show Mister Dovolani and his wife‚ Trendelina "Lina" Jani Dovolani,** purchased the residence in March 2005 for $391,000.

The Dovolani's middle-class-modest, vinyl sided residence was built in 1999 near the tail end of a cul-de-sac on a .17 acre lot according to the Fairfield County Tax Man and the 2,020 square foot house—listing information called it a raised ranch, whatever that is—has three bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms and, unusually enough, two kitchens.

The upper level living area is an open-concept living/dining/kitchen space with (molding-free) cathedral ceiling and smooth yellow-blond hardwood floors where Mister and Missus Dovolani can quickly and easily clear out their few bits and pieces of "formal" furniture and cha-cha, quickstep and tango themselves into a frenzy in front of a (gas) fireplace. A sliding glass door in the dining area steps out to a small deck with stairs down to the lower level terrace and backyard. The kitchen certainly looks neat, tidy, functional as well as, well, economically outfitted.

Two not particularly big family bedrooms on the upper floor share a small hall bathroom while the fairly compact, wood-floored master bedroom, also on the upper level, has direct access to a private bathroom. Listing photos show the stylistically challenged and already outdated but well-maintained bathroom has a soaking tub set into a beige-tiled corner and a separate shower stall with one of those molded plastic inserts that—quite frankly—give Your Mama the heebie jeebies.

In addition to an attached two car garage with convenient direct entry, the lower level walk-out basement has a half bathroom and a fully-carpeted family room furnished with little more than a black fabric sectional sofa so big it extends onto the tile flooring in the home's adjoining second kitchen and dining area. Multi-paned sliding glass doors open to a stone-tiled terrace set into the reasonably flat lawn in the partially fenced and not particularly private backyard. Listing photos show a free-standing shed around the side of the house for storing the lawn mower and other gardening implements.
The press release reveals that Mister and Missus Dovolani plan to pack up their belongings and their three children and move to a larger house that better accommodates the size and needs of their family of five.

A thorough sift through various property records data bases reveals Mister Dovolani not only previously owned homes in South Salem, NY, and Ellenton, FL, but may currently own a two-family situation in Bethel, CT, bought in August 2003 for $305,000. Could be occupied by family. Could be an investment property. Could be it's owned by another guy also named Driton Dovolani.


*Truth: Your Mama had never heard of Miz Rycroft before. So, natch, we did a little digging on the internets and discovered she's a bit of a reality show denizen. In 2004 she won a coveted spot as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader on some reality show competition about winning a spot as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. In 2009 she popped up as a contestant on the 13th season of The Bachelor, a televised match-making throw down in which a stiletto-shod pack of romantically hungry (and arguably desperate) women compete for a single eligible (and usually well-built) bachelor-man. Miz Rycroft was selected as the winner by her bachelor catch but, bless her heart, was quickly and unceremoniously dumped for the gal who came in second place or the the runner-up or whatever you call it. 

**How much, children, does Your Mama l.o.v.e. Mister Dovolani's wife's name: Trendelina "Lina" Jani Dovolani. Say it out loud. It's magnificent the way it rolls across the tongue, really, but anyways...

SELLERS: Mitch and Juliannah "Juli" Richmond
LOCATION: Calabasas, CA
PRICE: $9,495,000
SIZE: 12,953 square feet, six bedrooms, 7 full and 2 half bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Not too long ago a trusted real estate canary named Benjamin Birdie chirped in Your Mama's ear that a huge Calabasas, CA mansion owned by retired professional basketball player Mitch Richmond was about to plop itself on the open market and, sure enough, yesterday it popped up with an asking price of $9,495,000.

Of course, everybody knows Your Mama doesn't know or care to know a thing about professional basketball so our reaction was, "Who dat?" However, hunties, our brief and unscientific research reveals that Mister Richmond was indeed a big damn deal during his 14 years with the NBA. He dribbled and passed for the Golden State Warriors, the Sacramento Kings, the Washington Wizards and, finally, for two pre-retirement seasons with the L.A. Lakers.

Before he went professional he played for the bronze medal winning U.S. team at the 1988 Summer Olympics in Seoul—that's in South Korea for all your geographically challenged sorts—and he was a member of the so-called Dream Team that won gold at the Olympic extravaganza in Atlanta in 1996. He's a former NBA Rookie of the Year, which certainly sounds impressive, and he's a five-time All-NBA Team member and a six-time NBA All-Star, both of which also certainly sound impressive. Mister Richmond currently scouts for the Oakland, CA-based Golden State Warriors.

For nearly two decades Mister Richmond has been united in matrimony with Juliannah "Juli" Richmond and together they have three children. Missus Richmond is probably best known to reality t.v. watchers as a cast member on the second season of the often tawdry and occasionally violent Basketball Wives program. Our research turned up a two-plus year old profile and interview with Missus Richmond that revealed she once launched a line of home furnishings and candles that "didn't pan out for her." She currently bills herself on her own website as an "Interior Design Consultant" through a business concern she calls Jexy by Juliannah.

Jexy, in case any of y'all might be interested, is defined on Missus Richmond's website as '"your vibe, whatever that may be. it's yours and that's what makes it so special. It's your uniqueness, demeanor, and swag. It's you! We are often defined by our exterior."' A little Googling around turns up evidence a small contingent of people use the word Jexy as slang for a sexy Jewish person too but that's really neither here nor there, is it? Anyhoo, in the aforementioned profile from early 2011 Missus Richmond stated her decorative aspirations as thus: '"I hope to bring my passion to decorating, bringing different vibes to a house."' She went on, '"I want to create a vibe. I try to create a vibe that is not a staged feel."'

We're not quite she if Missus Richmond was speaking of this house—the one in Calabasas that's just come up for sale—or if it was a previous residence she was referring to but she said about it in the profile, '"When you come into my house there is a vibe. There is a vibe. I bring a feeling. I just want to bring a vibe."'

Your Mama does not know and can not determine exactly what sort—ahem—vibe she aimed to bring to the day-core of her own home in Calabasas since listing photographs but since it's almost entirely in a spectrum of browns, beiges, ecrus and other earth tones with a spot of crimson here and there we'd say it might have something to do with earth tones, whatever that means. Anyways...

Property records show Mister and Missus Richmond purchased the 2.283 acre property in April 2004 for $1,700,000. Given that listing details show the existing residence was completed in 2006, Your Mama assumes the $1.7 million sale price was for the land alone. Of course, we don't have any idea how much the couple  paid to custom-build the proto-suburban behemoth but Your Mama thinks it's reasonable to assume they spent an equal amount and easily more.


The single story multi-winged mansion—let's call it a mock-Med Hacienda—sprawls across a flat ridge at the top of the Estates of the Oaks, an exclusive gated section of similarly sized and architecturally pastiched suburban macmansions within the vast, guard-gated and upscale community of The Oaks, about 30 miles northwest of downtown Los Angeles.

Property records indicate the house spans 10,475 square feet but listing details put it at 12,953 square feet with six bedrooms and seven full and two half bathrooms. Home owner's dues are listed at $619 per month ($7,428 per year). We're not really sure what if any privileges besides community security services those fees pay for. Perhaps someone in the know about the rules, regs, covenants, restrictions and community bylaws of the Estates at the Oaks want to fill us in?


The adjoining formal living room is a much more cozy size but looks like the sort of room no one but Inez the cleaning lady is allowed to enter. There's also an office/library and a colossal center island kitchen with breakfast room and adjoining family room. The massive master suite has a sitting area with fireplace surmounted by an inset flat screen t.v. and a roomy bathroom where the marble (or onyx or whatever) surround around the oval soaking tub for two both juts out into the middle of the room and extends into the glassed in steam shower where it becomes a convenient in-shower bench.

Extra-added luxuries and amenities include: a sports bar hung with lots of framed jerseys; a game room with pool table; a state-of-the-art, 10-plus seat home theater done in various shades of beige; a wine cellar and a separate tasting room with a few feet of floor to ceiling faux stone veneer and a wall-wide forced perspective mural probably intended to make the room look larger than it really is but—to be honest—just makes Your Mama feel a little queasy with vertigo. There's also a meditation/yoga space, a children's homework room, a beauty salon and a home gym equipped with handfuls of body torture devices plus a steam room and sauna.

The back of the house wraps loosely around and opens up to a parking lot sized terrace and loggia with outdoor fireplace that extends the option for outdoor living into nippy mornings and chilly evenings. Other features according to listing details include a built-in fire pit and a crescent-shaped built-in barbecue situation larger and more expensively outfitted than most middle class peoples' kitchens.

Clearly a small fortune was spent on the palm tree-shaded swimming pool complex that's complete with a lagoon-style free-form pool with beach entry, a swim-up bar with built-in stool seating and a water slide that sweeps through a pile of rocks into which an elevated spa is nestled. A waterfall pours over the dark opening to a grotto.

The best vantage point for taking in the rugged and unobstructed canyon and mountain views that extend as far as the eye can see is the vast flat lawn that wraps around the back of the house and swimming pool complex. At the far side of the lengthy abode there is—no surprise—a full court basketball court.

Other notable features of the Mister and Missus Richmond's deluxely outfitted (if beigely dressed) residence include a five car garage, five fireplaces and a camera equipped security system. There's also a slew of high-profile neighbors. Britney Spears used rent a gigantic mansion now owned by David Broome, executive producer of The Biggest Loser, and last year testosterone-fueled gangsta-pop superstar Justin Bieber dumped $6.5 million of his riches on a 9,200+ square foot mansion in the 'hood where he's had nasty tangle or two with his neighbors. Talk show host Phil McGraw paid $6,575,000 in early 2011 for a nearly 11,000 square foot mansion occupied—so it's been reported—by his son Jay and his former Playboy Playmate wife Erica Dahm. Professional baseball player Jeff Suppan and his wife Dana also have a nearly 11,000 square foot mansion they picked up in 2010 for $6,250,000.

Still others who own homes in the exclusive enclave, at least according to property records and various other online resources, include rock and reality star Travis Barker (Blink 182), movie producer Thomas Tull (The Dark Knight franchise, the 300 franchise and The Hangover franchise), and professional footballer turned commentator Keyshawn Johnson who has his own nearly 11,000 square foot residence on the market right now for $8,895,000, reduced from its original January (2013) price tag of $10,500,000.

And, of course, everybody knows The Estates at The Oaks is where Michael Jackson's momma, Kathryn, moved into a roomy rental mansion in early 2011 with her trio of perplexingly named grandbabies Prince (Michael), Paris (-Michael) and Prince Michael (aka Blanket). Our understanding is that the Jackson Family Compound (JFC) was to endure a significant renovation and Miz Jackson and etc. decamped to Calabasas for the duration. To be completely honest, chickens, Your Mama isn't sure if the family remains in Calabasas or if they've already high-tailed back to the JFC. Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

listing photos: Re/Max Olson & Associates

SELLER: Rafael Márquez
LOCATION: New York, NY
PRICE: $10,950,000
SIZE: 4,042 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: As was first reported ages ago by the property peeps at The Real Deal, internationally known professional soccer player Rafael Márquez has his sprawling Manhattan combo-condo on the market for $10,950,000. Property records show the Mexican-born soccer star purchased the two-until combination apartment in the last days of 2010 for $6,395,000.

Presumably the decision to list has everything to do with the Mexican-born footballer being released a few months early from his $4.5 million dollar annual contract with the New York Red Bulls. The release, so the stories go, may have had something to do with injuries and suspensions that kept the ball kicker off the field more than 50% of the time during his tenure with the Red Bulls. Mister Márquez went—or soon will go if he hasn't already—back to his native Mexico where he was immediately picked up by the Léon team.
Numerous reports say the W. 17th Street apartment has six bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms but a quick study of the floor plan included with current listing details shows the 4,042 square foot 7th floor spread has four bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms and 20 windows on three exposures. The corner living/dining space stretches 35-feet and the adjacent kitchen is eat-in with a enviable walk-in pantry.

The northwest wing, easily and conveniently closed off from the rest of the apartment, contains two roomy guest/family bedrooms plus a family room and a shared compartmentalized bathroom. An unusually large guest suite, perfectly situated for over night guest privacy in the opposite southeast corner of the apartment, has a small sitting room/office, a separate bedroom, a windowless five piece facility and a fitted dressing room that's quite a bit roomier, perhaps, than any number of $3,000 per month studio apartments in the West Village.

The master suite, off the foyer, just past the over-sized laundry room, encompasses a long entry vestibule lined with closets (or maybe they're shelves or some other thing entirely), a surprisingly compact bedroom, a pair of separate but interconnected and gloriously windowed dressing rooms, and an only partially private bathroom with twin sinks, separate tub and shower and—thankfully—and enclosed cubicle for the crapper.

The apartment also has generous 10.5 foot ceilings, a central sound system, a multi-zone air condition system and steam heating. Monthly taxes and common charges come to $7,469, as per listing details.

exterior photo: Nicholas Strini for Property Shark
floor plan: Douglas Elliman

In other semi-celebrity foreclosure news and gossip, The Real Housewife of New Jersey's Jacqueline Laurita and her entrepreneurial businessman husband Chris are reported by TMZ to be faced with the gaping maw of foreclosure on their Franklin Lakes, NJ mini-mansion.*

It appears the Laurita's purchased their 1.75 acre semi-rural suburban spread in November 2001 for $1,720,000. We don't know a thing about the Franklin Lakes real estate market so we don't have a clue what's its street value is but public records show that in 2011 the Bergen County Tax Man assessed the property at $2,199,200 and levied a tax bill of $33,647.76. In The previous two years the house had been assessed at at much higher $2,6450,000.

According to TMZ, Mister and Missus Laurita missed one of their nearly $11,000 monthly payments on an approximately $1.6 million dollar mortgage back in spring 2012. The terms of their mortgage, so the story goes, allows the lender to demand full repayment of the loan if even a single installment is missed. We don't have any idea, of course, these Laurita people were living beyond their means, if they just found themselves in an unexpected financial tight spot and without the funds for just one mortgage payment or if they missed multiple payments. All are believable scenarios. So are other explanations like paperwork snafu, Post Office error or some sort of family emergency.

Property records show Mister and Missus Laurita's architecturally vague mini-mansion was built in the early Aughts, measures 5,674 square feet, and is both across and down the street a from one of the half dozen or so small bodies of water after which Franklin Lakes was named.

At least once Missus Laurita invited the Bravo cameras through her wood-worky residence for a tour that revealed the Housewife—who pretty much is a housewife—organizes the books in her wood-paneled library by subject matter, as in most bookstores. Your Mama organizes our always expanding collection of paperbacks by color, natch, but we appreciate Missus Laurita's organizational efforts immensely. Anyhoo...

She goes on to drag the camera into one of her children's bedrooms where she shows off the rather extensive collection of tiny shoes that belong to a toddler boy child. Next she Carol Merrills her way through her and her husbands separate, custom-fitted walk-in closet/dressing rooms before she heads down to the well-stocked walk-in wine cellar.

All this mortgage and foreclosure nonsense ought to be cleared up, if it hasn't been already because, seriously, what's eleven thousand dollars to people who spend thousands of dollars on dozens of pairs of shoes for their toddler? Fer chrissakes, even Your Mama got $11,000 in the damn bank.


We're sure Missus and Mister Laurita—and all the many other "housewives" who faced financial peril and ruin in the public eye—would love for all this ugliness to go down without the tabs and snarky property gossips butting in with their ill-informed two cents. However, hunties, let Your Mama off all you "housewives" a bit of unsolicited tough love: You can not sell your cook books and hawk your handbags, promote your bottled water clients and peddle your insurance policies on the meatless backs of your reality genre fame and then expect the hoi polloi not to be curious about the gory details of your lives. Did you hear that? It's a reality show. They told y'all when you signed your contracts it was a reality show, right? We understand why they first season ladies in Orange County were taken by surprise by the celebrity monster but every one of you women after those first five shoulda known. You shoulda known.

The proverbial fame cat is next to impossible to get back in the bag except by, well, public obscurity. And that is certainly an option if y'all want to exercise it and then pursue your multi-pronged commercial endeavors on their own merits without the invaluable exposure you get for being a cast member who can plug their products mercilessly on one of the most successful reality television franchises to ever be conceived. Okay? Anyways...


*We know this bit of semi-celebrity real estate news went down a couple weeks ago but somehow we missed it. We figured maybe some of the children did too. Plus, earlier today Missus Laurita took to the Twitter to thank her local law enforcement people for their rapid response to a call about an attempted break in of her house. Apparently she watched a man walk across her yard and over her deck to the very door at which she was standing. That sounds goddamn scary, for real! The would-be intruder was caught on surveillance cameras and Your Mama expects he'll be apprehended shortly if he hasn't already. Nothing like a little criminal melodrama mixed in with an alleged financial pickle. Good grief. Anyways...

aerial photo: Bing

She may have rocketed to fame as the winner of the third season of American Idol but fortune seems to have eluded three time Grammy nominee Fantasia Barrino who, bless her real estate heart, seems to have (yet again) run into a bit of a squeezy financial situation. Celebrity gossip juggernaut TMZ recently snitched that in an effort to avoid an ugly and protracted tangle with foreclosure Miz Barrino has voluntarily handed the keys to her approximately 6,5000 square foot residence in the upscale Glynmoor Lakes development in Charlotte, NC back to the bank.

Property records show Miz Barrino acquired the six bedroom and 5.5 bathroom pond-front mini-mansion of vexatiously indeterminate architectural style in March 2007 for $1.3 million.*

The last ditch effort to divest her property portfolio of this particular house is by far not Miz Barrino's first effort to deal with this unfortunate situation. In December 2008 foreclosure proceedings were initiated over an unpaid $58,000 loan Miz Barrino had previously (and reportedly) secured to pay taxes. Now, children, ain't that the very definition of robbing Peter to pay Paul? Let this be a lesson, kittens.

Anyhoo, Miz Barrino also attempted to sell the property last year for $800,000 but, alas, it went unsold and, well, here we are.

Property records show Miz Barrino also owns a smaller, 4,600-ish square foot residence less than a mile away as the crow flies but 2.4 miles by car in the Piper Glen Estates community. She bought the four bedroom and 3.5 bathroom abode in August 2004 for $740,000. As far as we can tell, this house is not currently for sale and is not subject to foreclosure.

*Some reports and other digital resources show the house has 5 bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms.

photos: Google

After an arduous house hunt across Los Angeles, comedy and rom-com movie veteran actor Vince Vaughn (Wedding Crashers, The Break-up, Dodgeball) and his preggers wife Kyla have splashed out $3.925 million on a mini-mansion in the upscale suburban community of La Canada-Flintridge, CA.

The turn of the most recent century white clapboard center hall Colonial is trés Beaver Cleaver that measures in at 5,563 square feet of traditional living space with Brazilian cherry wood floors in the foyer, formal living and dining rooms, small paneled library/office, spacious center island kitchen and adjoining family room. Listing details indicate the house has five (en suite) bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms, two fireplaces and a front-facing three car garage.

The East Coast-y three-quarter acre spread has broad lawns, a pergola shaded terrace, a swimming pool and, tucked into a tangle of trees at the rear of the property, a sport court.

Our research shows the property is the second most expensive house to trade hands in the 91011 zip code in the last year or so, the most expensive being a Cape Cod style compound on 1.5 acres with 11 bathrooms, pool house, separate office suite wand a separate pavilion with screening room and music studio that sold in final days of 201 for $7.4 million.

If any of the children wanna peep a few more listing photos of the luxurious yet very ordinary residence visit the ever-industrious kids at Curbed.

This is not the first home Mister Vaughn has owned in Los Angeles. In early 1999 he paid $1,575,000 for a gated and privately situated house in the Oaks area of Los Feliz that he sold over the summer of 2005 for $4,050,000 to crime and sci-fi writer/producer René Echevarria. (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Dark Angel, Medium, Castle, The 4400).

In Chicago, Mister (and Missus) Vaughn continue to own a four-story townhouse-type property in the River North area purchased in August 2005 for $1,425,5000. The couple has had the house on an off the rental market over the years at a variety of prices that range from $6,900-9,500 per month. He also still owns the somewhat legendary, 12,000 square foot triplex penthouse atop the Palmolive building that he bought in 2006 for $12,000,000, quietly tried to sell off market last year for $24,700,000 and eventually pushed on the open market with an $18.4 million price tag that eventually dropped to $16.75 million before he took it off the market in early 2013.

listing photos: Dilbeck Real Estate

SELLER: Drake Bell
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,400,000
SIZE: 3,400 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Yesterday Your Mama received a covert communique from a lovely lady we'll call Mustang Sushi who snitched that former child star, musician and reality game show contestant Drake Bell has heaved his hillside casa in L.A.'s celeb-friendly Los Feliz neighborhood on the market with a $1.4 million price tag.

All T. no shade, children but Your Mama didn't have a clue who Mister Bell is until we Blackled him and found out he was kind of a big deal in his later teen years when he co-starred on the wildly popular teen- and tween-oriented Nickelodeon sitcom Drake & Josh. Young Mister Bell, now in his mid-20s, penned the theme song for the partially eponymous program for which he received three consecutive Kids' Choice Awards for Favorite Television Actor.

Since Drake & Josh went dark in 2007 Mister Bell has appeared in more than a dozen television sitcoms and movies. He currently voices Peter Parker on The Ultimate Spider-Man and he appears as a contestant on the currently airing Joey Lawrence co-hosted reality game show Splash on which celebrities, semi-celebrities and former celebrities—many of whom Your Mama has never even heard of—strap themselves into sparkly bathing costumes and attempt to execute a variety of springboard and platform diving maneuvers.

As it happens Your Mama knows a thing or two about the sport of diving so we tuned in to Splash...once. We know it's not easy for an a non-diver to throw a forward 1.5 somersault in the pike position from the 10 meter platform like Mister Bell successfully but inelegantly did. And Your Mama knows as much as anyone that it takes real guts to get on national t.v. in a body revealing bathing suit. Never the less we found the whole thing bizarre to the point of surreal, uncomfortably nerve wracking and, well, vicariously humiliating to the degree that Your Mama and The Dr. Cooter had to split a damn nerve pill and an entire bottle of rosé just to get through pool side spectacle.

Mister Bell, some of y'all may know, has been much in the celebrity gossip blogs lately for his ongoing Twitter feud with Paris Jackson, the 15-year old daughter of the late Michael Jackson. Apparently she tweeted her annoyance over his snarky tweets about gangsta-pop entertainer Justin Bieber and his unreservedly fervid army of "Beliebers." He tweeted that she should know her place. She tweeted about him blocking her and so on and so forth. Could there be anything any more unsettling and depressing, butter beans, than a grown man having a digital slap fight with a teenage girl? No, there really isn't is there? Anyhoo...

Property records show young Mister Bell picked up his vintage, 1920s Spanish casa in Los Feliz in May 2007 for $2,050,000. Mister Bell has been on a short but wild real estate ride since he first pushed his house on the open market on the 20th of April with a $1,350,000 price tag. Two days later the house was in escrow and two days after that—having fallen out of escrow for reasons Your Mama knows nada—the house was re-listed at the inexplicably higher price of $1,630,000. The property was quickly de-listed and then re-listed the very next day with a much lower (but still higher than original) asking price of $1,400,000.

It doesn't take too much flickin' and clickin' on Your Mama's beloved bejeweled abacus to see that even if he sells the house for its full $1.4 million asking price Mister Bell stands to lose a toe curling $650,000 not counting carrying costs, improvements and real estate fees. Interestingly, as pointed out by our informant Miss Sally, listing details reveal Mister Bell's house is somewhere in the foreclosure process and any short pay sale will—natch—be subject to lender approval. That means, of course, Mister Bell could not only lose his proverbial shirt but also his credit rating.

The walled and gated three floor abode has four bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms in 3,400 square feet according to listing details that go on to describe the residence as "turn key" with "Vintage accents, alcoves & arches, balconies, professional faux finishes throughout, custom paint color, designer fixtures & elegance that flows from room to room." Needless to say, perhaps, but Your Mama isn't sure the mucked up ceramic tile floors on the stairway between the living and dining rooms qualify as "turn key" and we are outright mortified by all the "professional faux finishes" seen throughout such as the strongly striated business that gives the living room walls the distinct the look of water staining.*

A rotunda entry with multi-colored stained glass windows steps down to the spacious formal living room that has dark wood floors, an extra-high ceiling crossed by carved wood beams, large windows and a tile-accented fireplace surmounted by a large flat-screen t.v. that's tied into an integrated surround sound system. Mister Bell has furnished the room in a kind of high camp decadence with a baby grand piano, a huge glass chandelier, decorative books and a lot of other this and thats that look like maybe a suburban Auntie Mame sort of lady might have picked out. It's all rather odd for a 26 year old man, right?

The upper level formal dining room overlooks the living room through an arched cut out and has glass doors that open to a small balcony with city and swimming pool views. Another wide archway joins the dining room to a dim-looking library nook and the kitchen, located across a corridor from the dining room, looks well-equipped (if dark and brooding) with heavily grained slab stone counter tops, dark chocolate-colored wood cabinetry, paver tile flooring and high-quality name brand stainless steel appliances.

Two of the four bedrooms are located on the home's lower level and, according to listing details, share a Jack 'n' Jill bathroom. One room is currently used as a home office and the other a den/t.v. lounge where the closet was converted to a full wet bar/mini kitchenette with sink, under counter fridge and built-in microwave. Both of the other bedrooms are, according to listing details, a master bedroom. One has a private entrance, both have private modern bathrooms and both have—like the living room— bordello-like day-core that Mister Bell (or his nice-gay or lady decorator) worked over in a uniform palette of earth tones and includes (but is far from limited to) decorative extravagances like a brocade coverlet, a brown tufted velvet headboard and pasamenterie trimmed taffeta and velvet drapery.

A long brick stairway bob and weaves its way down the hillside from the back of the house where it connects to a tree-shaded terrace and a swimming pool ringed by a thin strip ratty-looking grass and a thicket of foliage that looks like it could use some attention by Javier the jardinero.

*We have not, children, suggested the walls of Mister Bell's abode are actually water stained. We're saying the "professional faux finish" as seen in listing photos looks to Your Mama like water staining. Okay?

listing photos: RE/MAX Fine Homes