SELL BUY PROPERTY

SELLER: Casey and Jean Kasem
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $42,000,000
SIZE: 12,000 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 10 full and 4 half bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The more able-memoried of the children should recall that back in early September, 2012, Your Mama tattled and prattled on about music industry pioneer and living legend Casey Kasem and his bubble-headed blond actress wife Jean quietly floating their long time estate in the Holmby Hills area of Los Angeles as an off-market listing with a $42,000,000 price tag.

It's now come to our attention by way of a short of informative missive from a little birdie we'll call Jessie Justwantsyoutoknow that Mister and Missus Kasem's circa 1954 multi-winged chateau* has hit the open market with an officially sanctioned asking price of—you got it—$42,000,000.

A gated, shrubbery- and tree-lined driveway snakes across a perfectly clipped lawn to a motor court with a big ol' fountain in the middle that looks like it could have been removed from some pedigreed palace outside of Paris. The driveway continues around the side of the house to a rear motor court and access to the two garages that hold a total of four cars.

The zig-zagging residence is described in listing details as a "Gated Classic Revival" but, honestly, just between us chickens, Your Mama thinks that's prolly just a typo because there really isn't any such architectural vernacular as Classic Revival, is there?

Anyhoo, the 2.4 acre estate has a total of seven bedrooms and more than a dozen (low-flow) terlits in ten full and four half bathrooms spread throughout the 12,000 square foot main house, guest house and staff quarters and pool pavilion. We're not sure exactly how the seven bedrooms are divided but there seem to be one or more in the guest house, two or maybe three in the staff quarters (double maids and chauffeur suite), three en suite guest/family bedrooms with whirlpool bath tubs and what listing listing information describes as "Dbl master suites with 2 baths, hair salon and dress areas."

Listing photos show a florid and Old School decadent, Louvre-like day-core comprised of all manner of statuary and figurines; gilt trimmed commodes and gilt-framed oil paintings; velvet tufted divans and fringed brocade sofalets**; fur coats draped and manipulated ever so carefully over settees in fantastically themed guest bedrooms and/or bathrooms encrusted in marble and trimmed with gold.

Your Mama imagines it costs a small fortune every year to maintain the completely landscaped estate that's ringed by thick and mature trees that provide privacy, shade and baffle traffic noise from nearby Sunset Boulevard. Wide rolling lawns roll up and around the deep terrace that extends off the rear of the mansion and overlooks the property's most (in)famous feature: a slightly raised heart-shaped swimming pool backed by a trio of stone gazebos...or whatever those crazy domed follies are really called.

One wonders where a person goes after living in a place like this. Do you go bigger or just go home to a much smaller but still huge by normal standards 4,000 square foot high-floor condominium in one of the better and more expensive full service apartment towers that line the Wilshire Corridor near L.A.'s Westwood Village?

*Or is this a totally Frenchified but semi-squat looking 1950s single-story rancher and that should maybe read chateau?
**A sofalet would, of course, be a small sofa.

listing photos: John Aaroe Group

Former Saturday Night Live cast member turned sitcom star Chris Parnell (30 Rock, Suburgatory) dropped $1.7 million on a charming 1920s Spanish casa with a crisp and modern-minded make-over in L.A.'s boho-hipster Silver Lake area. (Trulia Luxe Living)

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Royal real estate watchers may or may not be intrigued with the now published plans for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's Norfolk country house on the 20,000 acre Sandringham estate of his granny....that would be Elizabeth II, the reigning octogenarian constitutional monarch of the (British) Commonwealth. (Daily Mail)

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Reality show producer, writer and host Rob Drydek (MTV's Ultimate Parkour Challenge, Fantasy Factory, Ridiculousness, Wild Grinders) sold his vertically oriented mid-century modern house house in the Hollywood Knolls area of Tinseltown at a $225,000 loss, not counting carrying costs, improvements and real estate fees. (TMZ)

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Sitcom star Kevin James (The King of Queens) put his 11,291 square foot quasi-Tuscan macmansion in proto-suburban Encino, CA on the open market with a $5,495,000 price tag and—presumably—decamped to a massive Mediterranean Revival style pile in Delray Beach, FL that he and the missus bought last year for $18,500,000. In case any of ya'll don't get how Mister James can afford an eighteen million dollar house keep in mind he was recently estimated to have raked in $46 million from March 2012 to March 2013. It's good to be Kevin James, people.  (Trulia Luxe Living)

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Did you hear that mainstream British musician Chris Martin was thisclose to buying a 6,000 square foot four million dollar house in Los Angeles's Brentwood 'hood to house the other members of his band Coldplay? That is until, allegedly, his American wife Gynnie Paltrow put the axe down on that deal because she "had issues with the inspection report." Dontcha think there's probably more to this story that we just don't know about? (TMZ)

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We really do hate to do it but we can't help it so we're just gonna go right there...

Bubble gum pop music superstar Justin Bieber—a teen aged boy-man from Canada who seems to want to be some sort of Showbiz gangsta bad ass (or whatever)—owns a 9,200+ square foot hacienda style mini-compound in a guarded and double gated enclave in the exceedingly suburban community of Calabasas, about 30 miles north west of downtown Los Angeles.

So the scuttlebutt goes, young Mister Bieber has three hard partyin' bros (or whatever) who allegedly live rent free in his giant suburban mini-compound and it seems that Mister Bieber and his friends are causing quite a ruckus in their upscale neighborhood of lavishly appointed and mostly mock-Med or faux-Tuscan macmansions. At least one report says Mister Bieber's friends host numerous and sometimes loud and large weed- and sizzurp-fueled parties even when their music industry cash machine b.f.f. is out of town. A week or two ago the increasingly volatile Mister Bieber allegedly spit on a neighbor who had the audacity to get all up in baby-faced entertainer's perfectly aligned grill about racing his brand new Ferrari up and down the streets of his usually whisper quiet gated community.*

Your Mama sincerely hopes but does not hold our damn breath that this whole spitting debacle is nothing more than an ugly figment of the tabloid press's wild imagination but, whatever the truth of the matter, how much do the children wanna bet Your Mama this still-pubescent whippersnapper soon picks and and moves his fleet of Lambos and Ferraris to a more secluded and intensely fortified compound-like spread where pesky, uptight neighbors concerned about the frivolities of neighborhood safety can't walk right up on his property and whine like a bitch about stuff he don't want to hear about? (TMZ)

*Naturally, Bieber's people say the international entertainment industry phenom did not spit at the neighbor.
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And finally, butter beans, buckle your class warfare safety belts because this one is a charming little ditty about a legally beleaguered but still knee bucklingly spendy ways of a multi-billionaire.

Just because powerful hedge fund veteran Steven Cohen's SAC Capital Advisers is under investigation for insider trading and other financially nefarious things and even though he recently agreed to hand over a heart stopping $616 million to make the legal imbroglio go away doesn't mean he isn't also on a savagely expensive personal shopping spree.

Last year the legally beleaguered but still astronomically rich art and real estate baller spent just over $38 million to acquire a newly erected eight-story townhouse in New York City's ever more gentrified far West Village.

A couple weeks ago came word Mister Cohen paid legally blind casino magnate Steve Wynn an astonishing $155,000,000 for Picasso's Le Rêve, a dreamy and colorful portrait painting of the artist's mistress Marie-Thérese Walter. Art-minded children may recall that it was this very painting that Mister Wynn famously put his elbow through a few years back while showing it off to some of his friends. The six inch tear was repaired and reported to be all but invisible to the naked eye.

Now comes word down the real estate gossip grapevine that Mister Cohen had coughed up another $60,000,000 for a 6.5 acre ocean front estate in hoity-toity and decidedly nouveau East Hampton, NY that includes a 10,000 square foot main house, expansive lawns and formal gardens, a tennis court and kidney bean shaped swimming pool nestled into the dunes on the ocean side of the house. That's right kittens, sixty million bucks for a house likely to get used—at best—no more than a couple handfuls of summertime weekends each year. Such are the wacky real estate ways and excessive financial capabilities of the world's super rich, right?

Mister Cohen's new hideaway in the Hamptons is, quite literally, just a few doors down from another luxury beach house on 2.1 fully-landscaped but land-locked acres that Mister Cohen bought in May 2007 for just over eighteen million clams.

Mister Cohen also owns a may-jer 14-acre estate in Greenwich, CT with a 35,000+ square foot mega-mansion and in New York City, in addition to the West Village townhouse, the notoriously lavish liver owns a 10,000 duplex penthouse atop the swanky One Beacon Court building in Midtown East that he snagged in 2005 for about $24 million and is reported to be shopping around off-market with an electrifying $115,000,000 price tag. (New York Times, Bloomberg, Homes of the Rich)

BUYER: Ethan Hawke
LOCATION: Brooklyn, NY
PRICE: $3,900,000
SIZE: 4,026 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 5 full and 1 half bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The dutifully diligent celebrity property watchers at The Real Deal a week or two ago reported that often unkempt-looking Oscar-nominated actor/writer Ethan Hawke's 3,500 square foot townhouse in New York City's Chelsea—listed at $6,250,000—was in contract and would soon be sold for an (as yet) undisclosed amount to an (as of now) unknown buyer.

When Your Mama discussed the vibrant-hued boho-style townhouse back in late January (2013) we had no clue or inside intel about where Mister Hawke, his missus Ryan and their quartet of kids—two with each other , two with Mister Hawke's ex-wife Uma Thurman—planned to decamp.

We found out in an unexpected covert communique from a kind canary we'll call Brooke Lynn Scoop who tattled to Your Mama that the Hawke family have joined the decade-plus long great migration of artists, hipsters, young families, rich people and handfuls of famous folk who continue to happily give up the hustle and bustle of Manhattan for a still quite urban but more low-key, village-like and slightly less expensive lifestyle in some of Brooklyn's leafier neighborhoods like, say, Boerum Hill where property records reveal that in late December (2012) the very same trust associated with Mister Hawke's lower Manhattan townhouse forked over $3,900,000 for an Italianate meets Greek Revival style red brick townhouse, circa 1859.

Actress Keri Russell owns a townhouse in Boerum Hill and so does three time Oscar nominee Michelle Williams. British writer Martin Amis owns a townhouse in Cobble Hill—next door to the west of Boerum Hill—and so does Norah Jones. Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick have two, side-by-side townhouse on the border between Cobble Hill and Brooklyn Heights where Björk and Matthew Barney shack up in a penthouse and zaftig Showbiz phenom Lena Dunham owns a much more modest one bedroom apartment in a large, full-service building. A bit out east in Park Slope are East Coast based Tinseltowners Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard as well as four-time Emmy nominated actor Sir Patrick Stewart and five-time Emmy nominated actor Steve Buscemi. Anyhoo....


Listing details we dug up on the interweb shows the 21-foot wide townhouse, located mid-block on a particularly scenic tree-lined street, stands four floors above ground, measures 4,026 square feet and—at the time of the sale—was divided into two units with a total of six bedrooms and five full and two half bathrooms.

The entire residence was extensively over-hauled and updated in 2003, according to listing information, with all new mechanical systems, new plaster and sheet rocking and brand new kitchens and bathrooms. Lucky for the Hawkes, many of the gloriously flamboyant original architectural embellishments and garnishes were retained, restored and/or painstakingly recreated. There are explosive acanthus leaf corbels that hold up shallow archways, heavy duty ceiling moldings and medallions, extra wide window and door frames, five working fireplaces with marble mantels, multi-tone wide plank wood floors, pocket doors with stained glass and new(er) Landmark approved windows that historically minded preservationists will surely appreciate.
The basement was dug out 18 important inches during the renovation that allowed for a portion of it to be finished and incorporated into the garden level apartment that has a private entrance under the deliciously delectable raised stoop. The layout of the one bedroom apartment itself is a bit unresolved with unclear and awkward entry points, a open-concept yet confoundingly compact living/dining/kitchen and one perfectly ordinary sized bathroom that opens—we regret to inform the olfactorily sensitive—directly into the kitchen. A spiral staircase descends to a flexi-use basement level area marked as a "Recreation Room" on the floor plan.

A careful study of the floor plan shows the semi-private garden level corridor at the rear of the residence has a stacked washer/dryer tucked into a closet and a tiny but windowed half bathroom conveniently accessible to anyone with a full bladder in the backyard.

The aforementioned elevated stoop provides elegant, private access to the five bedroom and 4.5 bathroom upper level triplex unit. A typically townhouse style side foyer and stair hall opens into a nearly 14-foot wide  combination living/dining room that stretches 27-plus feet with two fireplaces and two 10-pane windows that, for all intents and purposes, extend from the floor to the ceiling.

Stained glass pocket doors separate the main living/dining room from the center island eat-in kitchen that's all decked out with Shaker-style eggshell-colored cabinetry with integrated appliances a homey porcelain apron front sink and two huge windows filled with a view of tree leaves and branches. There is a casual dining table for two—or possibly three in a pinch—but it lacks the down home charm of the cute semi-circular built-in breakfast banquette in the kitchen of the Hawkes soon to be former townhouse in Chelsea.

An itty-bitty library—a corridor really—is snugly nestled next to the kitchen at the far end of the 25-foot long entry foyer and offers discreet access to a puny powder pooper and direct access to a steel terrace perfect for a barbecue pit and monitoring the activities of pets and children in the blue stone terraced backyard below.


There are three guest/family bedrooms on the uppermost fourth floor, two reasonably sized one barely bigger than a goddamn storage unit. That is not a bedroom, children. It's a study nook or it's a play room or it's a gift wrapping/crap storage room. Whatever it is its really too small to be a proper bedroom. One of the larger bedrooms has a private bathroom while the other two share a compact three-quarter hall bathroom. The largest of the three bedrooms has a fireplace and there appears in the floor plan to be some sort of sky-lit built-in office space between the two larger bedrooms that might be better suited to use as walk-in closets.

There are two more bedrooms on the third floor. The smaller bedroom at the rear overlooking the backyard gardens of the surrounding townhouses, has a fireplace, a small walk-in closet and a small, private bathroom with a huge window. The larger, street-facing bedroom also has a fireplace and a small walk-in closet plus an alcove but it lacks private access to a bathroom. The master bathroom—or what amounts to the quite tight master bathroom—unfortunately opens into the main stair hall rather that directly into the bedroom. Not good.

Our gal Brooke Lynn Scoop also snitched that Mister and Missus Hawke are having some work done on the house and Your Mama can only hope—we'd pray if we prayed—that the couple (and their team of smart architects and lady and/or nice-gay decorators) have the good sense to remedy this master bathroom issue. Since the two bedrooms already connect through a short corridor, perhaps fixing this madness is as simple as converting the rear bedroom into a deluxe dressing room and combining the two bathrooms into one more appropriately sized for a master bedroom of a nearly four million dollar townhouse in one of Brooklyn's most delectable, desirable and increasingly expensive neighborhoods.

listing photos and floor plan: Corcoran

BUYER: Arianna Huffington
LOCATION: New York City, NY
PRICE: $8,150,000
SIZE: 4,177 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Many gossip bloggers' fingers were typed to the nubbins this week tapping out tongue wagging reports about the half million dollar lawsuit filed against blogosphere media maven Arianna Huffington by her former Manhattan landlord, movie producer Eric Steel (Julie & Julia, The Bridge, Shaft, Angela's Ashes). Mister Steel's suit alleges the naughty-naughty Miz Huffington repeatedly violated the terms of her lease agreement and trashed her $32,000 per month rental apartment in New York City's Chelsea neighborhood.* ¡Escándolo!

The suit alleges Miz Huffington hosted large parties in the two bedroom and 2.5 bathroom apartment and made and gave keys to others, both violations of the terms of her lease. When Miz Huffington moved out of the West 17th Street loft in January (2013) after about two years in residence, Mister Steel's somewhat salacious suit claims she left the crisply modern fully furnished 4,400 square foot apartment that was custom designed by Mister Steel's late starchitect step-father Robert Gwathmey, in shambles. The extensive lists of damages include (but are not limited to) a gouged and stained walls, scratched and punctured wood floors, a blood soaked mattress (!!), steel window seats ruined by candles and cosmetics, broken kitchen cabinets and a stained bathtub.

Miz Huffington, howevuh, ain't no shrinking violet, hunties, and—natch—the lady released a statement that denies Mister Steel's allegations of property damage. "Eric Steel, who happily renewed the lease twice and visited the apartment multiple times, is holding onto $93,000 in deposits, which he has refused to return. He is," the statement read, "obviously trying to extort more money from me.... It won't work." All this could really get ugly but Your Mama suspects these two will man up and put on their big girl pants and the messy matter will be handled quietly out of the courts with stern stipulations that forbid either party from speaking of the ugly matter on the record.

At any rate, the newest reports out of New York City reveal that Miz Huffington no longer needs to fool with potential future landlord issues in the Big Apple as she's shelled out $8,150,000 for a sprawling, 4,177 square foot loft condo in one of the most exclusive full-service buildings in New York's ever-bustling SoHo 'hood.

Marketing materials Your Mama dug up on the internets shows the full-floor apartment was listed at $8,495,000 and includes three(ish) bedrooms and 2.5 bathroom plus a capacious, 47 foot long and 30 foot wide living/dining room with high ceilings, high-shine wide plank wood floors, a fireplace and six over-sized windows on two walls with over-the rooftop city views. The adjacent, almost entirely stainless steel kitchen includes a super-sized center work island, top grade commercial style appliances, marble counter tops and back splashes and temperature controlled wine storage 'cause y'all know how rich people like to stock up on vino.
The floor plan included with online listing details reveals there are a few quirks with the layout, specifically as relates the the bedrooms. Technically there are three and possibly four potential bedrooms including the generously scaled master suite. However, one bedroom is tiny, cell-sized almost, and can only be awkwardly accessed by passing first through the den/bedroom and then through a bathroom. That's right through a bathroom. The "bedroom" can also be accessed by traipsing clear through the master bedroom and its nearly thirty foot long custom fitted walk in closet. That is not a bedroom, children. That is a small home gym or a meditation chamber or, better yet, an annex to the master suite that would make an excellent shoe and handbag closet or Old School-style trunk room for Miz Huffington. Just a thought.

The main guest/family bedroom is certainly sizable and has two access points, a wee walk-in closet and (at least the illusion of) cross ventilation with windows on two walls. What it does not have, however, is direct or even convenient access to a bathtub or shower. Sure, there's a powder pooper right next door, off the main key-lock elevator entry but in order to actually perform more than just a whore's bath in the powder room, any occupant of that bedroom needs to scoot around the edge of the main living/dining and go through the den/bedroom.

We're not saying this is an unworkable set up for comfortable living, only that it's not particularly well set up for families and/or overnight guests. Of course, if You're Miz Huffington and can afford to buy and maintain an eight-plus million dollar residence in lower Manhattan as well as a substantial home on the West Coast then you can probably afford to put up pesky wannabe house guests a few blocks up the street at The Mercer, a perennially chic urban inn owned—dontcha know—by another accomplished and wealthy resident of Miz Huffington's new building.

Other luxuries include mahogany framed windows, multi-zoned central heat and air, a large laundry room and a high-tech home automation system that controls the lights, music and window treatments at the mere touch of a button. Monthly taxes and common charges ring up to $6,960, according to online listing details, and the chi-chi boutique building offers residence full service amenities including 24-hour doormen and concierge, a residents only rooftop deck, laundry room and separate storage space.

What the lady property gossip at The Post didn't reveal in her report on the matter earlier today is that Miz Huffington's new SoHo digs are in the same swanky, turn of the 20th century building where middle aged rock star Jon Bon Jovi owns a 7,500 square foot duplex penthouse that he picked up in mid-2007 for $24,000,000 and recently heaved on the open market with an elephantine $42,000,000 price tag.

Other high profile owners in the coveted building include fashion world scion and 4-time Emmy winning television producer Marci Klein (Saturday Night Live, 30 Rock); media executive Garth Ancier who owns a low-floor spread he picked up in April 2007 for $3,600,000; and bigwig boutique hotelier Andre Balazs‚ the afore alluded to handsome, taste maker playboy owner of The Mercer—still owns the high-floor spread he picked up in September 2003 for $5,750,000 and unsuccessfully attempted to sell in 2006 and '07 with an asking price of $10,000,000.

Just before Miz Huffington closed on her mid-floor unit, art director extraordinaire Fabien Baron sold his sleek and immodestly minimal full-floor loft-like unit upstairs for $7,250,000 to an unknown and possibly foreign buyer with a Los Angeles attorney. In December 2010 Ponzi putz Bernie Madoff's eldest son Mark hung himself with the family dog's leash with his two year old son asleep in the other room. Utterly and grotesquely gruesome. But we digress...

As far as Your Mama knows and can tell from a thorough perusal of property records, Miz Huffington continues to own her 8,100 square foot home in L.A.'s Brentwood area that she picked up in June 1994 for $2,560,000. Like in her new building in New York City, Miz Huffington also has a slew of famous neighbors in Los Angeles: Maria Shriver—who, apparently and much to the chagrin of some of her well-heeled neighbors, has yet to take down her Christmas lights; the inestimable and sassy nonagenarian actress Betty White; former chat show hostess Ricki Lake; Fleetwood Mac's Lindsay Buckingham; and Spiderman actor Tobey Maguire and his jewelry designer wife, Jennifer Meyer Maguire who spent $10 million in 2008 on a vacant piece of residential property that—as far as Your Mama knows—remains vacant and unimproved.

*For what it's worth to anyone who may care, the folks at Street Easy show the apartment was last on the open market as a rental in April 2011 at $27,000 per month.

listing photos: Halstead (via Street Easy)

SELLER: Estate of Martin Zweig
LOCATION: New York City, NY
PRICE: $125,000,000
SIZE: Big with 6 bedrooms and 6 full and 3 half bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: As expected and previously reported by Your Mama and just about every other property gossip on the planet, the decadently decadent triplex penthouse of late financier Martin Zweig has finally arrived on the open market with a publicity ensuring $125,000,000 price tag and eight lush listing photographs but—alas—nary a floor plan.

Mister Zweig purchased the palatial penthouse in 1999 for a then record breaking $21,500,000.

Current online listing details confirm Mister Zweig's epic, quixotic and downright legendary three floor building topper has: 16 rooms on three floors linked by a private elevator; an impress-the-guests 5-star style staircase plus a private rear staircase for family and staff; a grandiose, hangar-sized living room and several more intimate but still grand reception rooms plus separate private family quarters; five en suite bedrooms and a total of six full and three half bathrooms; five fireplaces; four terraces with 360-degree city and park views; and two dedicated building staffers who provide daily maid service partially paid for by the astronomical $31,908 monthly maintenance charges.

Mister Zweig, a man of almost unlimited means who made a fortune when he predicted the 1987 crash of the stock market, was also an author of books on how to win in the financial marketplace, a television pundit and well-known collector of cultural memorabilia. One of the many children who contacted Your Mama about this triplex listing over the last few days—let's call him Ernie Eagle'eyes—pointed out that within one of the many glass display cases that line the towering walls of the exceedingly capacious mid-floor living room (and can be seen in current listing photos and those published by The Old Gray Lady herself last weekend) there appears to be a white suit that once belonged to Elvis Presley.

Mister Zweig's extensive collection also includes gold records by the Beatles, several athletic jerseys worn by iconic professional athletes, a few electric guitars and—as again pointed out by Ernie Eagle'eyes—the famous and famously skin tight beaded gown that Marilyn Monroe had to be sewn into in May 1962 before she gave her breathy and historic rendition of the "Happy Birthday" song at Madison Square Garden for President John F. Kennedy. It appears Mister Zweig may have purchased the dress at auction in 1999 for more than $1.26 million.

One of Your Mama's contacts who toils within the high nosed and rarefied air of the uppermost end of the Manhattan real estate milieu told us that he thinks this place could easily fetch $90,000,000. We shall see. What do the children think? Discuss.

UPDATE LATER SAME DAY: All the children can thank a little birdie name Tony Newyawk who told Your Mama about a December 2006 article in The New York Times—when Mister Zweig has his titanic triplex on the market at $70 millions—that gives an extensive and thrilling history of the so-called "Chateau in the Sky." A must read for anyone who gives a single real estate whit about this apartment.

listing photos: Sotheby's International Realty

BUYER: Charlie Sheen
LOCATION: Beverly Hills/Sherman Oaks, CA
PRICE: $4,800,000
SIZE: 6,625 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: It has come to Your Mama's attention—via the wonderfully incessant and greatly appreciated real estate machinations of Yolanda Yakketyak—that whackadoodle actor and tabloid staple Charlie Sheen owns not just one but three macmansions in the affluent, guard-gated and occasionally crime plagued* Mulholland Estates community in Sherman Oaks/Beverly Hills, CA.** Your Mama knew about two of them but the third came as a bit of a surprise, we have to admit.

The irrepressibly contrarian porn and prostie lovin' publicity hound plunked down $7,200,000 in April 2006 to buy a nearly 8,000 square foot mock-Med macmansion with five bedrooms and seven bathrooms. The children will recall that Mister Sheen had the house—his primary residence, his Ground Zero, if y'all will—on the market for about four months over the tumultuous summer of 2011 with a $7.2 million price tag. Alas, the house failed to sell and remains firmly ensconced in his growing property portfolio.

In March 2011, in the midst of an ugly and public but also very lucrative psychic meltdown, Mister Sheen, as the self-monikered Winning Warlock, shelled out $6,999,999 to buy a 9,020 square foot mock-Med macmansion just around the corner. The seller, as it turns out, was Tinseltown tycoon turned hardcore house flipper Mike Medavoy who had only purchased the six bedroom and nine bathroom beast six months earlier for $6,000,000. There where scads of rumors and reports that Mister Sheen purchased the property in order to put up one of his three ex-wives or, perhaps, to house his harem of hussy gal pals but—to be honest—Your Mama has no idea why he wanted the house or who currently occupies it.

Anyhoo, with information provided by Yolanda Your Mama had a thorough perusal of property records and, lo and behold, in late October (2012) Mister Sheen clandestinely acquired his third mock-Med macmansion in Mulholland Estates, this one a 6,625 square foot quasi-Spanish villa with five bedrooms and six bathrooms.

Mister Sheen bought the house, according to our research, from L.A.-based billionaire financier Tom Gores—the owner of the Detroit Pistons—who bought it in 2006 for $5,712,000 from his low key Hollywood power player celebrity agent brother Sam Gores. Your Mama does not even have to consult our beloved bejeweled abacus to see that Mister T. Gores lost more than a million clams on that deal, not counting carrying costs, improvements and real estate fees. Of course, the Forbes folk estimate T. Gores has a $2.6 billion fortune so what's he really care about a million so bucks, right? Sam Gores, however, did much better financially as he'd acquired the property for $2,600,000 in May 2001 from Verna Harrah, the wildly rich (and now deceased) widow of casino kingpin Bill Harrah.

In November 2008 Tom Gores, who has an extensive and interesting residential real estate history that any of the butter beans who might be interested can read about here, coughed up $18,000,000 for a 7,247 square foot mansion due north of the Bel-Air Country Club. Just a few short months later, in January 2009, the real estate baller coughed up $38,000,000 to buy the 11,400 square foot Mediterranean mansion nest door that was formerly owned by none other than Verna Harrah. Real estate coinkydink? You decide. Mister Gores has since knocked down the smaller house and expanded the larger one to be a more satisfying residential real estate monument to his vast wealth.

Besides Mister Sheen and a slew of wealthy doctors, lawyers and bizness(wo)men there are a number of high profile peeps who maintains homes in the Mulholland Estates Community. They include Judith Light and Robert Desiderio, British pop star Robbie Williams, former Beach Boy Brian Wilson and rock star Slash and his wife Perla Hudson who bought their house in March 2009 for $7.3 million from newly divorced former Real Housewife and up-and-coming cougar Adrienne Maloof's mother Colleen Maloof. Tom Gores still owns at least one other house in Mulholland Estates, the one directly across from Mister Sheen's latest acquisition that's currently for sale with an asking price of $10,750,000 and currently leased—so the stories go—for about twenty grand a month to none other than Adrienne Maloof. Mister Gores brother Alec also owns a house in the community that he picked up in 2007 from crooner Paul Anka.***

In addition to his trio of macmansions in the Mulholland Estates community, Mister Sheen also owns an ocean front condo in Malibu he bought in 1995 for $635,000 as well as a completely nondescript 1970s contemporary in Malibu's Point Dume area that he scooped up in early 2002 for $1.3 million.

*Despite an always-manned gate house—or maybe it's womanned, we don't know—and 24/7 street patrols by private security there have over the years been an unusual amount of strange and disturbing criminal activities within the Mulholland Estates community. In late 2008 Paris Hilton's house was burgled by the Bling Ring and in 2010 her former beau Cy Waits held a knife wielding wannabe intruder on the ground at gun point until the po-lice arrived to apprehend the obviously mentally disturbed moe-ron. Our Mister Sheen has twice—twice!—had an S-Class Mercedes stolen out of his goddamn driveway, one of which was driven over a cliff into a nearby ravine.

**The entire Mulholland Estates community sits north of Mulholland Drive, the dividing line between the Beverly Hills Post Office. That means it's actually, technically, in Sherman Oaks but—and this is important to some people—has a 90210 zip code thanks to some smooth operating by the developer.

***It's not known to Your Mama if Alec Gores occupies the houses he owns in Mulholland Estates or if it's occupied by other family members, ex-wives, children and/or random tenants.

listing photos: Hilton & Hyland

BUYER: Judd Apatow and Leslie Mann
LOCATION: Malibu, CA
PRICE: $10,950,000
SIZE: 2,550 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama first heard this latest bit of property gossip about wildly prolific writer/producer Judd Apatow from Yolanda Yakketyak but we see now we've done been beat to the celebrity real estate punch by the long-legged gal at Trulia Luxe Living (and subsequently the tireless kids at Curbed). None the less we're gonna get on this horse and ride anyways, just like we planned.

Mister Apatow, in case y'all live in a hole, is hardly a neophyte Tinseltowner having executive produced The Ben Stiller Show in the early 1990s. He went on produce The Larry Sanders Show, the short-lived but beloved Freaks and Geeks, a handful of money minting comedies with Will Ferrell, Steve Carell and/or Seth Rogan (Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, Knocked Up, Superbad and Pineapple Express to name a few). More recently he produced the screamingly funny Bridesmaids and he currently executive produces Lena Dunham's naughty, mildly existential and highly controversial tee-vee program Girls. He and his actress missus Leslie Mann—who appears primarily in Judd Apatow produced projects—are, to put it mildly, rolling in professional and financial clover.

Not only do Mister Apatow and Missus Mann own a swanky spread in Brentwood they quietly bought off market in mid-2009 for a very A-List $18,250,000, last June they dropped $8.6 million for a vacant one acre residential flag lot on the bluff overlooking the ritzy Riviera Country Club in Santa Monica and last month they shelled out another $10,825,000 for a beach front house in the exclusive, guard-gated Colony community in Malibu.

Mister Apatow's increasingly baller-style real estate ways must really chap the ego of writer/producer Mark Brazill who once had a fierce feud with Mister Apatow. In a serious of emails Mister Brazill accused Mister Apatow of plagiarism and actually wished cancer upon Mister Apatow. Cancer! Who does that? Seriously. Anyhoo, Mister Apatow seems to be laughing the last laugh since Mister Brazill hasn't had much showbiz success since That '70s Show was canceled in 2006. As it turns out, Mister Brazill recently put his own house in Los Feliz, the one formerly owned by Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani, on the open 1market with an asking price of $5,195,000.

A careful parse of listing information from the time of the sale shows Mister and Missus Apatow-Mann's newly acquired beach house in the Bu is an East Coast-y 1930s cottage with three bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms in 2,550 square feet, plus an additional bedroom and bathroom atop the detached two car garage.

A tiny but inviting tree-shaded flagstone courtyard leads from the entry gate to the front door that somewhat awkwardly opens directly into a roomy and completely renovated center island kitchen/family room combination space. The kitchen is equipped with a mahogany topped center work island, a pixilated tile back splash that reaches all the way to the ceiling around the glass-fronted upper cabinets and—natch—the customary complement of high-grade stainless steel appliances Your Mama and every other property watcher associates with beach houses that cost nearly $11 million.

The open concept main living/dining area has white floors (of unknown material), a bookcase flacked white brick fireplace in the dining area, a second, much more massive white brick fireplace in the living area that also has an extra-wide picture window with sea and sky views. An adjoining sun porch with wrap around windows and wood-framed glass doors has a party-sized built in sofa banquette that Your Mama thinks looks goddamn for foggy afternoons fueled with gin, tonic and a pound of penny candy.

Upstairs according to a listing Your Mama managed to scare up on the internets shows the there are two bedrooms with private bathrooms on the main house's upper floor as well as a master suite that spans the full width of the house with fireplace and full wall of glass that connects the room to an L-shaped seaside terrace. A spiral stairs links the upper level terrace to the lower level outdoor living areas that include a sunken dining area and an elevated sunbathing deck with direct ocean access and view.

A quick perusal of property records reveal the seller was the estate the late, four-time Emmy nominated film and television producer Laura Ziskin who may not be a household name or tabloid staple like that April Fools faux-pregnant Lindsay Lohan whose fame has become sad and puzzling but shepherded a few handfuls of money making movies like The Eyes of Laura Mars, Pretty Woman, Spider-Man 1,2 and 3 plus The Amazing Spider-Man. She was also the first woman to produce the (74th and 79th) Academy Awards extravaganzas. Presumably Miz Ziskin shared the beach house with her man-beau and husband, two time Oscar winning screenwriter Alvin Sargent (Julia, Ordinary People, Spider-Man 1,2 and 3 plus The Amazing Spider-Man).

listing photos: Hilton & Hyland

...from a well-connected source—let's call her Helen A. Hightower—that innovative superstar fashion photographer Steven Meisel is surreptitiously shopping his done, done and all did up but good mid-century modern abode in Beverly Hills (CA) with a $15,000,000 price tag.

Supremely sited in on just over 1.5 acres in the upper reaches of the ever so dernier cri Trousdale Estates area of Bev Hills, the zig-zagging, single story city view sprawler was snapped up by Mister Meisel for $2,750,000 in the fall of 2001, before the neighborhood's most recent phoenix-like resurgence as a brutally expensive hot bed of West Coast real estate über-desirability.

Once the haute epicenter of 1950s and 60s upscale modern architectural extravagance in Los Angeles, the hoity toity 'hood was once home to a slew of business world magnates, political potentates and Tinseltown luminaries such as Groucho Marx, Frank Sinatra, Richard Nixon, (aviation bigwig) Bob Six, Nancy Sinatra and Tinseltown deal maker extraordinaire Irving "Swifty" Lazar, to name just five. Prices never really fell to a level that a middle class person would ever call cheap but by the turn of this century the hillside neighborhood at the eastern border of Beverly Hills had fallen out of real estate favor with well heeled Angelenos who came to prefer much larger, more sterile and obsessively uniform mock-Med and faux Tuscan mansions farther to the west in Bev Hills, Bel Air, Pacific Palisades and etc.

Some might say Mister Meisel single handedly put Trousdale Estates back on the map. Not because His Photographic Highness bought a house in the nabe but because he prominently featured an art-filled 1960s Trousdale Estates time capsule* for the gloriously haughty and instantly iconic advertising images for Versace's fall/winter 2000 campaign called Four Days in L.A. starring Amber Valletta and Georgina Grenville. Remember those photos, puppies? That was some out and out Fashion World history, for sure.

Anyhoo, the L.A. County Tax Man's records show Mister Meisels house, glassy and perched on a ridge line with panoramic views over the city, has three bedrooms and five bathrooms in 4,524 square feet but those figures are not likely an accurate reflection of the supah-suave residence's current size and configuration.**

Mister Meisel's house was featured in the October 2012 issue of Architectural Digest with lush photographs by Roger Davies and text by the always snappy Mayer Rus. The article reveals that the house was originally designed and built in 1963 by little lauded architect George MacLean for an unnamed race car driver and his model wife. Mister MacLean, in case any of y'all might care, also designed a low-slung home above Benedict Canyon on Beverly Estate Drive (in Bev Hills Post Office) that was owned for a brief spell in the mid-1950s by a young Elizabeth Taylor and her second husband, English actor Michael Wilding.

At the time Mister Meisel bought his spectacularly sited house in Trousdale Estates it was blessedly untouched but much in need of a re-fresh. He engaged the pricey and revered services of the Ron Radziner of the firm Marmol & Radziner who completely rebuilt and sensitively added 2,300 square feet to the existing city view mid-century modern residence then selected celebrated and much published decorator Brad Dunning to chic up the day-core but "maintain the integrity" and "ambiance" of the residence's original 1960s swagginess.

Although the day-core speaks the language of the sixties—the mica wall in the living room, for example—this is very much a 21st century residence with all the expected luxuries, conveniences and accoutrement. The children will take particular note of Mister Meisel's unusually spacious and positively unorthodox "hybrid home office/master bath" finished with walnut, heavily veined green onyx and—here's the peculiar part—includes a sitting area/office where Mister Meisel can make calls and check emails between showering, flossing and toenail clipping.

In case any of the children aren't feeling so bullish about Trousdale Estates and are concerned Mister Meisel's (alleged) asking price of (around) $15 million might be a tetch too high Your Mama suggests y'all keep in mind that in August 2012 mid-priced ladies' shoe and handbag magnate turned prolific property investor Bruce Makowsky dropped $12,650,000 on an almost 7,000 square foot house on a shy acre*** that he's already ripped down to make way for something larger, slicker and presumably much more expensive.

In December (2012) former movie producer turned high end property developer Nile Niami—arguably L.A.'s sleeker and slightly less decadently minded version of London's (in)famously recherché Candy brothers—coughed up $9,800,000 for Oscar-winning screenwriter Robert Towne's long time residence that he plans to raze or—at least—extensively remodel and, no doubt, flip back on the market with an astronomical price.

The fabled—and, let's be honest, decoratively dated—former home of Elvis and Priscilla Presley was also sold last December for $9,800,000 to hotelier and restaurateur Peter Morton. Your Mama heard though the real estate gossip grapevine that Mister Morton, much to the chagrin and outcry of mid-century architecture buffs and Elvis fan(atics) around the globe, wanted to raze or at least substantially alter and renovate the existing home. A later report by the ever-intrepid kids at Curbed suggests that may not, in fact, be possible due to a newly approved Beverly Hills ordinance that protects the work of "Master Architects" like Rex Lotery who designed the 5,400 square foot single story dwelling in 1958.

In New York City Mister Meisel owns a couple of adjoining condominiums that comprise about 4,000 square feet and the entire floor of a very grand, limestone clad 1911 Neo-classical palazzo with white glove services on lower Park Avenue. A similarly sized and fully refurbished full-floor spread on a lower floor of the same building is currently listed with an asking price of $20,500,000—and nearly ten grand a month in taxes and common charges, which should give the children some idea of what Mister Meisel's combo condo might be worth.

Your Mama's caveat: Mister Meisel's house in not currently listed on the open market and until such time—or one of the more respectable celebrity real estate gossip outlets report it, probably with attribution—his is all just some celebrity real estate rumor and gossip. Got it?

*The house used for the Versace campaign was owned at the time by Charles Skouras Jr.and wife Diane who sold it in 2002 to hotelier Brad Korzen and decorating dervish Kelly Wearstler. They, in turn, sold it in spring 2006 to former CIA analyst turned Emmy winning film and television producer Bob Cort (Jumanji, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Runaway Bride) and his top-tier literary talent agent turned media executive wife Rosalie Swedlin who sold it last year for $17,400,000 to frequent house hoppers Ellen Degeneres and wife Portia de Rossi after they sold their multi-residence Beverly Hills compound for $37 million to  to squeaky clean (and newly single) Tinseltown tycoon Ryan Seacrest. 
**An article in Architectural Digest (Oct. 2012) stated Mister Meisel "added 2,300 square feet to the existing 4,000-square-foot dwelling."
***A "shy acre" is real estate speak for a parcel of just less than a 43,560 square foot full acre.
photograph: Roger Davies for Architectural Digest

BUYER: Russell Simmons
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $5,877,500
SIZE: 5,979 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 7.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Looks like music, apparel and interweb tycoon Russell Simmons has himself a phat new crib in Tinseltown. According to the ever so well informed real estate yenta Yolanda Yakketyak, Mister Simmons—along with a spiritual guide or yoga master or something*—recently moved into a 1930s era two story Spanish style casa just above the Sunset Strip that he picked up last month for $5,877,500.**

Listing details Your Mama dug up on the internets show the walled, gated and high-hedged residence has five bedrooms and 7.5 bathrooms in 5,979 square feet of completely renovated interior space that includes at least three fireplaces (plus one more outside), loads of custom wrought iron work, scores of vintage light fixtures, scads of (inlaid) tile and stone flooring and a richly panelled 1,500 bottle wine cellar and tasting room hidden behind a secret door.

Listing photos from the time of the sale show the residence all done up in a mostly earth-toned and unspeakably generic day-core that screams of the handiwork of Staging Lady in a Pink Toyota. Howevuh, hunties, Your Mama fully expects the house will soon be filled to the brim with modern artwork and the sorts of carved wood and stone Buddhas and other religious iconography for which every real estate gossip in the world knows Mister Russell has a serious decorative thing (see listing photos for his perennially for sale triplex penthouse in Manhattan).

The front entry and circular stair hall lead to a formal living room with stone tile flooring, a stone-manteled fireplace, large windows with green, garden view and a (partially) coffered wood ceiling from which hang vintage light fixtures. The floors switch to dark hardwood in the formal dining room where an over sized arched window also has a verdant garden view.

The wood floors continue into the center island eat-in kitchen that's expensively equipped with two-toned slab marble counter tops and high grade commercial style stainless steel appliances but switch again to an inlaid stone tile in the airy adjoining family room that also has a vaulted ceiling with exposed wood beams, a second stone mantel fireplace and (at least) six sets of French doors that allow the room to spill effortlessly out to the various and private outdoor living areas.

There are, according to listing details, a total of four upstairs bedrooms. Three family/guest bedrooms have private attached bathrooms (and at least one has direct access to a covered balcony) and the roomy, wood floored master suite has another fireplace, vaulted ceilings with heavy duty exposed wood beams and trusses, a large walk-in closet, a "spa-like" bathroom and a private balcony.

In addition to the swimming pool and elevated spa, the lushly landscaped backyard also includes a vine-covered arbor that leads to a secluded outdoor lounge area with massive tile-accented outdoor stone fireplace.

A quick perusal of property record reveals that some of Mister Simmons's new neighbors in Lala Land include a handful of successful Showbizzers who include Emmy winning writer/producer Jenny Bicks (Sex and the City, Men in Trees, The Big C); movie producer Charles Roven (The Dark Knight, Man of Steel, Twelve Monkeys); film, television and stage writer/director Roger Kumble (Pretty Little Liars, Cruel Intentions, Pay or Play); and up-and-coming producer and Hollywood scion David Katzenberg (Beetlejuice 2, The Hard Times of RJ Berger, Survivor).

Mister Simmons must really dig this neck of the (West) Hollywood Hills because not only is this not only the first time he's owned a house above the Sunset Strip it's not even the first time he's owned a house on the very same street on which his new house is located. He and his ex-Missus Kimora Lee Simmons briefly owned a 5,818 square foot Mediterranean mini-villa just 1/3 a mile farther up the street that online resources show they bought in August 2005 for $5,250,000 and sold in August 2007 for $5,655,000.

Although Mister Simmons publicly stated he planned to keep his 3.67 acre estate in the tony seaside enclave of East Hampton (NY) that he scooped up in late 2007 for $1,521,564, property records and previous reports suggest he quietly sold the 7 bedroom and 5.5 bathroom traditional—the site of his annual Art for Life fundraiser—in January of this year (2013) to an as yet unidentified buyer for its full $6,995,000 asking price. Maybe he decided to downsize in the Hamptons? Or, maybe upsize? Hello? Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Bueller?

Mister Simmons continues to own a sprawling, quadruple exposure triplex penthouse in Manhattan's Financial District (FiDi) he's had on and off the market for more than a decade at prices ranging from eight to twelve million clams. At one point, so the stories go, Sean "Puff Whatever" showed some real estate interest in the deluxe apartment but never moved forward with a purchase. Current listing information shows the 7,175 square foot penthouse has four bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms (plus an additional staff bedroom and bathroom), 12 foot ceilings and a sweeping, vertigo-inducing sky-lit main staircase, two kitchens, three terraces on two floors that total 3,500 square feet of planted and fully furnished outdoor space, a meditation chamber, a small screening room and more Buddha statues and figurines than Your Mama has fingers and toes.

The children will recall the lavish living lefty liberal hip-hop honcho took a stomach-churning $3.5 million loss (not counting carrying costs, improvements and real estate fees) in February 2011 when he and his blingy model turned fashion designer ex-wife, Kimora Lee Simmons, finally unloaded their ostentatiously opulent 35,000 (or so) square foot mega-mansion in the bucolically suburban community of Saddle River, NJ. The still convivial former couple first listed the palatial, Euro-style pile way back in 2007 with a wildly optimistic $23,888,000 price tag but, after four years on the market with ever decreasing  price tags finally agreed  to sell the lavish spread for $10,000,000 to an unknown corporate entity with an address that—for what it's worth in interest to anyone—links directly back to an multi-specialty ambulatory surgical facility in Clifton, NJ.

*Don't nobody bother to ask Your Mama how Yolanda knows Mister Simmons is shacked up—or. more likely, temporarily bunking with—with his yoga master or spiritual guide or whatever because we can't tell you.

**Mister Simmons's recent acquisition above the Sunset Strip isn't a complete surprise to celebrity and real estate gossips since he told the New York Post back in August (2012) that he planned to relocate to the West Coast in order to spend more time with his two daughters and get more involved with the film and television industry. The property was purchased, natch, through a somewhat cryptically named trust that features the initials of both his daughters—Ming Lee (ML) and Aoki Lee (AL)—and links back to a New York City address associated with Mister Simmons and his Phat Farm business.

listing photos: Coldwell Banker