SELL BUY PROPERTY

SELLER: We Don't Know, Do You?
LOCATION: New York City, NY
PRICE: $25,000,000
SIZE: 3 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms (plus 1 staff room and bath)

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We woke up this morning and thought it might be nice to tie up the work week with a little high-priced floor plan porn of the New York City variety. Fortunately for Your Mama and the children we awoke bushy tailed but bleary eyed to a short missive from our favorite real estate rabbi—that would be, of course, Rabbi Hedda LaCasa—who thoughtfully pointed Your Mama to a spectacular penthouse at 720 Park Avenue that popped up on the market today with a $25,000,000 price tag.

In an era of $100+ million dollar listings in London and Los Angeles and the recent spate of $50+ million sales in Manhattan, $25,000,000 for a multi-terraced simplex penthouse in one of Park Avenue's most coveted buildings sounds almost like a bargain, don't it?

The resplendently posh pre-war grande dame at 720 Park Avenue was designed by legendary apartment house architect Rosario Candela. The 17-story Neo-Georgian red brick and limestone edifice was completed in the late 1920s and today remains one of the most prestigious addresses on Park Avenue.

Your Mama can't vouch for its veracity but, so the stories go, 720 Park Avenue was built so that wealthy Jewish folks who were largely forbidden from acquiring apartments in many of the swankier of the swank apartment houses that line Park Avenue. Of course, those sorts of restrictions aren't legally allowable anymore...

Anyhoo, 720 Park Avenue offers residents de rigueur white glove services such as 24-hour doormen and concierge and laundry facilities (that most residents will only ever see through the eyes of their washerwoman Helga) as well as a few unique extras that include basement level storage space and a residents only fitness room and squash court. That's right, a residents only squash court. Naturally these things don't come cheap and listing information shows the monthly maintenance and common charges for the simplex penthouse in question come to $14,391. That's $172,692 per year, in case you were about to make the mental calculation.
Listing details for the simplex penthouse in question show there are a total of ten rooms with more than 90 feet of west-facing Park Avenue frontage. The square footage isn't listed but a quick perusal of the floor plan including with marketing materials shows there are three bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms (plus a staff room and bathroom), three terraces (plus two more planting terraces), four exposures and and two wood burning fireplaces

A private elevator vestibule opens into a foyer that is unexpectedly but satisfyingly humble in size for a penthouse of this proportion and expense. The cocoon-y foyer bursts open into a baronial wood floored corner living room with wood burning fireplace, direct access to two terraces and more square footage that two large living rooms combined.

The dining room can be gotten directly to from the living room through a set of double doors or—the more fun route for booze hounds like Your Mama—by passing through the bar, a tiny room devoted to the storage and serving of mood altering beverages.

Less formal, family quarters are the fully paneled and wall-to-wall carpeted library with built-in book shelves and a second wood burning fireplace. (Is that ever so humble pine paneling?)

The kitchen and service areas make a compact unit on the west side of the penthouse and include a spacious, T-shaped butler's pantry, a roomy center island kitchen with built-in breakfast banquette, an office nook with two work stations and a utility hall with washer, dryer and service elevator access. Listing description says the staff room off the butler's pantry is—and we quote—"large." We don't know in whose world a 9-foot by 8.5-foot room with a two-foot wide closet and a three-quarter pooper so tiny that Kim Kardashian couldn't even get her ass in there is large but, seriously, the people in that world need a reality check.

Each of the two guest/family bedrooms have decent closet space and a private, windowed bathrooms. The master bedroom, tucked up into the northeastern quadrant, has a tiny entry vestibule, two fitted walk-in closets and two windowed bathrooms. Now, see, children, this is why Rosario Candela-designed apartments are so in demand. Here was a man that really knew how to place a pooper to allow it some natural ventilation. We know all about those whisper quiet air filtration systems that can be installed in a windowless bathroom to deal with the steamy damp and putrid odors of a bathroom but we simply prefer a window. Better yet, a window and one of those state-of-the-art ventilation systems.

The largest of the three walk-out terraces runs for 31 feet on the east side of the penthouse—the Park Avenue side of the penthouse—has perfectly charming retractable striped awnings and is accessible from either the library or one of the guest/family bedrooms.

Listing information goes on to show that the penthouse is equipped with Crestron home automation and Sonos wireless audio systems, 5-zone heating and cooling, a separate storage room in the basement and a wine cellar.

There are two other apartments currently on the open market at 720. They include a Mark Hampton-decorated second floor two bedroom and three bathroom with large laundry room, one puny staff room and a private 320-square foot terrace. It's listed at $4 million. Also up for sale is a 14-room sprawler with three fireplaces, four exposures, more than 20 closets, five bedrooms (plus two tiny staff rooms), 5.5 bathrooms (plus two more for the staff) and monthly maintenance and common charges of $17,504. It was originally listed for $30,000,000 in June 2011 but the price has been cut to $25,000,000.

Apartments don't change hands so much at 720 and, in fact, the most recent recorded sale was in May 2010 when Phillip and Susan Sassower sold their 15-room digs to philanthropist Jaime Tisch for $21,995,000. The next most recent transaction was in late 2008 when Carl Spielvogel and Barbaralee Diamonstein-Spielvogel sold a 7th floor spread wit 5 bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms for $36,630,000 that they'd only purchased two years earlier for $20 million. The Spielvogels didn't, however, move very far. They only moved, as per property records, to a smaller, lower floor unit with two bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms (plus another bathroom between the two staff rooms) for which they paid $8,980,000.

listing photos and floor plan: Brown Harris Stevens

BUYER: Billy Bob Thornton
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $2,700,000
SIZE: 3,603 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 3.75 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Last December (2012) Billy Bob Thornton sold his 11,000+ square foot hacienda style mansion in the flats of Beverly Hills for $8,000,000 to a not-famous but obviously very rich couple, he an orthopedic surgeon and she a dentist.*

The quirky Oscar winning actor/writer/director (Sling Blade, A Simple Plan, Jayne Mansfield's Car) must be looking for a little more peace, quiet and privacy. His new and secluded Tinseltown home—a modestly scaled Connecticut country traditional acquired in late January 2013 for $2,700,000—is located deep into affluent and Arcadian Mandeville Canyon in the Brentwood area, well past philanthropist Glorya Kaufman's 48-acre Amber Hills estate and the 112-acre Robert Taylor Ranch that, after first being listed years ago for $65,000,000, finally sold last year at auction for $12,000,000 to a Chicago-based concern. But we digress...

Listing details show the secluded two-story, 3,603 square foot sycamore tree surrounded house was built in the late 1950s at the tail end of a long gated driveway. We don't know if Mister Thornton chose to keep the color scheme or not but at the time he acquired the residence the board and batten exterior was painted a shade Your Mama might describe as light mushroom with bright white trim and an extra-vivid tomato red front door with Old-Timey diamond paned windows. Listing details we dug up online show the five bedroom and 3.75 bathroom domicile has been totally remodeled and updated with modern creature comforts that include central HVAC, water filtration and hardcore security systems.

A monolithic double-sided stacked stone fireplace separates the roomy living room—with wood floors and large windows on three walls—from the formal dining room that comfortably seats eights and spills out to the backyard through a matching pair of French-type doors on two walls.

The eat-in center island kitchen looks recently renovated in a country meets modern manner with crisp white Shaker style cabinetry, Carrara marble counter tops, a walk-in pantry, white porcelain apron front sink, high grade stainless steel appliances. A raised snack bar separates the kitchen proper from the built-in banquette dining area where French doors open to a partially covered flagstone dining terrace.

Four guest/family bedrooms on the main floor share two full and one three quarter bathrooms while the entire second floor is given over to the master suite that's complete with fitted walk-in closet, marble bathroom and an adjoining office/den/nursery that—like the bedroom itself—opens through French doors to a private balcony.

A sinuous, curving stacked stone wall topped by a meticulously clipped boxwood hedge makes a strong demarcation between the manicured areas of the backyard and the rugged, steep hillside that rises behind the house. The backyard isn't particularly big but its amenities are many and in addition to the aforementioned flagstone dining terrace off the kitchen, there's a pill-shaped and solar heated saltwater swimming pool ringed by more flagstone terracing, an also flag stoned lounge area with massive free-standing stacked stone fireplace, a flat and partially tree-shaded grassy area perfect for piddling pooches, a children's playhouse and a stacked stone barbecue/wet bar/ kitchen with built-in keg tap. Maybe it's just Your Mama who prefers real liquor over beer but a built-in beer tap is just never classy, is it? No, it's not, is it? Not even when its attached to a $2.7 million dollar house in a posh L.A. zip code.

There certain places one can look on the internets that say Mister Thornton owns—or owned—a penthouse in Paris but Your Mama don't know nuthin' about that celebrity real estate canard. We do know that property records show Mister Thornton still owns a four bedroom and three bathroom residence in Malibu, CA—on a gated cul-de-sac just north of the PCH above Point Dume—that he picked up in April 2007 for $2,350,000.

*Property records show Mister Thronton and his fifth and last wife Angelina Jolie purchased the gated mini-estate in August 2000 for  $3,750,000. In May 2003, subsequent to their much publicized split, the nine bedroom and eight bathroom Bev Hills abode was deeded exclusively to Mister Thornton.

listing photos: Prudential California

Five time Emmy winning sitcom star Kelsey Grammer may be married to and making babies with his fourth wife, Kayte, but he's still deep in real estate doo-doo with his third ex-wife, Camille Grammer.

Those of the children who keep up to date on such things already know that third ex-Missus Grammer was, once upon a time, an MTV dancer and, along with Adrienne Maloof, was reportedly just relieved of her part-time gig on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Anyhoo, back when they were married Mister and third ex-Missus Grammer lived large, hunties. Their property portfolio swelled with luxury properties that they often bought and sold at a rapid fire rate. They owned several mansions in the pricier zip codes of Los Angeles including a gigantic 17,800 square foot pile with a dozen poopers in Beverly Park, an elegant Bel Air mini-mansion they sold in 2007 to Salma Hayek and François-Henri Pinault for $13.5 million and a sprawling equestrian-equipped compound in Malibu's serene and star studded Serra Retreat. Third ex-Missus Grammer, who still occupies (and owns) the Malibu compound, briefly put it on the open market last year for almost $18 million.

The lavish living couple owned at least one house in Hawaii (ownership status unknown), maintained an almost 200-acre country compound in Upstate New York (still owned by Mister Grammer as far as we know) and a house in the Hamptons (sold in May 2011 for $9,995,000).

Mister and third ex-Missus Grammer also and still co-own a spacious ski chalet near Vail in Avon, CO—listed since at least March 2011 and currently priced at $6,995,000—as well as a nearly 11,000 square foot faux-Tudor sprawler in the north of Sunset section of L.A.'s hoity-toity Holmby Hills 'hood that they've been trying to sell since almost the day they bought it in June 2007 for $13,700,000. They first had it on the open market in July 2008 with an $19.9 million price tag but since then it has been de- and re-listed more times at various than Your Mama can be bothered to count. Earlier this week the price was slashed by a million bucks to $14,995,000.

It was recently revealed in the tabloid papers and celebrity gossip blogs that Mister Grammer hoped to move his new family into the Holmby Hills house in order to save some money but, as any sane person would imagine, third ex-Missus Grammer balked at the idea.

Mister Grammer, bless his real estate heart, dished out $6.5 million in April 2012 for an especially charming Spanish Colonial style casa in the flats of Beverly Hills, CA. His most recent sitcom endeavor, Boss, was axed in the fall of 2012 after its sophomore season and soon after that Mister and fourth Missus Grammer put their newly acquired house up for least at $30,000 per month. Shortly after than, just after 2012 became 2013, Mister and fourth Missus Grammer heaved the house back on the market with a notably higher $7,250,000 price tag.

listing photo: Coldwell Banker

The Miami Herald reported this week that famously reclusive pork pie hat wearing conservative-minded pundit and news media power player Matt Drudge—creator and operator of the influential, controversial and sometimes polarizing news portal the Drudge Report—paid $700,000 in cold hard cash for a decidedly unpretentious 4.7 acre spread about 35 miles south (and a bit west) of South Beach (FL).

Listing details Your Mama teased up out of the internets shows the a long electric gated protected driveway leads deep into the property where there's a 4,605 square foot residence divided into a three bedroom and three bathroom front house and separate, self-contained in-law quarters at the back with living room, kitchen, two bedrooms and two bathrooms. The property has a (raggedly looking) tennis court, what appears to be a long row of (icky looking) dog kennels, an organic garden and fruit orchard and plenty of room of an Olympic sized swimming pool

The property happens to sit right up next door to the 6,460 square foot house on 4.7 acres that Mister Drudge acquired in July 2011 for $1,450,000. That gives the internet mini-mogul a total of 9.4 acres and just over ten thousand square feet of living space out in the semi-rural suburban outskirts of Miami.

Property records also show Mister Drudge also owns a 3 bedroom and 2 bathroom home on Miami Beach's upscale Venetian Islands chain—due west of South Beach's Lincoln Road—that he scooped up in October 2003 for $1.4 million.

listing photos: Laplaya Properties Group via Hot Pads

In early January (2013) the celebrity press corps reported that professional basketball supernova Carmelo "Melo" Anthony and his—ahem—whimsically named wife La La had done split up and were living on separate coasts. Rumors and reports of their split—denied by the couple—surfaced on the heels of an off-court altercation between the extraordinarily well compensated 6-foot-8 New York Knickerbocker forward* and some dude on the Boston Celtics who naughtily snarked that La La "tastes like Honey Nut Cheerios." Maybe that's not a very nice thing to say to a man about his lady—and it can definitely be construed as a not very nice thing to say about a lady—but there are certainly far less flattering things that Celtic could have said La La tastes like, right?

Anyhoo, we don't know if Melo and La La did or did not actually split up or take some sort of marital break but the newest reports from the celebrity property gossips at the New York Post reveal that the allegedly rekindled and maybe even always kindled couple have signed a $29,000 per month lease for a 4,022 square foot high-floor apartment in a completely renovated pre-war building on upper Fifth Avenue. And, children, we mean upper Fifth Avenue.

Twenty nine grand is a stunning sum of money to drop every month on rent by any reasonable standard but the building is so far up Fifth Avenue—it's at 102nd Street—that Your Mama is quite certain at least of few of our sassy resident estate snobs will clutch their pearls, narrow their eyes and straight up call it Harlem regardless of how much money Melo and La La are laying down every month in rent for the five bedroom and 4.5 bathroom spread.

Anyhoo, the park view apartment has, according to the floor plan included with marketing materials, a combination living/dining room, an adjoining library/music room, a separate den/media room and a decent sized but hardly huge kitchen tucked back behind an L-shaped service corridor with laundry, powder pooper, coat closet, pantry and an en suite bedroom suitable for a live in domestic. Most of the three other guest/family/staff bedrooms are pretty puny—one is just eight feet wide, another less than 10 feet wide—but, in addition to a good-sized bedroom, the circuitously accessed master suite has a separate sitting room, three walk-in closets and a hotel-style bathroom with two sink vanity and separate tub and shower set up.

Oddly and perhaps ironically enough, in 2011 there was talk in the media that Mister and Missus Anthony were not interested in spending thirty grand a month for a New York City rental apartment no matter how nice and were on the hunt for a house in some of New Jersey's more affluent areas. Well, Your Mama doesn't know a thing about the veracity of that but we do know that three years later—that would be now—they are (allegedly) dropping just about thirty big ones a month for an apartment in Manhattan. A bit more than two years ago, in December 2010, the couple unloaded a fully landscaped 5.74 acre compound in Littleton, CO compound for $6,180,000, nearly six million less than the $12 million they paid for the place four years earlier. Listing details still accessible online shows the 21,083 square foot main mansion (above) has 8 bedrooms, 7 fireplace, 15 terlits, a home theater and—natch—a gym. Ancillary structures include a guest house, sound studio, three stall barn (with fenced pasture and pond).

*According to the Hoops Hype website Mister Anthony is all set to rake in $21,490,000 for the 2013/14 season, not counting any endorsements, bonuses or other income he may have. His salary will fatten by more than two million dollars for the 1014/15 season.

listing photos and floor plan (New York City): Core via Street Easy
listing photo (Littleton): The Kentwood Company

Actress and comedian Kathy Najimy (King of the Hill, Veronica's Closet, the Sister Act movie franchise) and her long-time actor/singer husband Dan Finnerty have hoisted their house in the hills above Studio City, CA on the market with an asking price of $1,875,000.

Property records show Miz Najimy paid $550,000 for the gated and very private property way back in 1994 and current listing details show the single story contemporary ranch style residence—the long-legged gal at Trulia Luxe Living called it a "Fixer-Upper"—measures 3,409 square feet with a voluminous vaulted ceiling in the living and dining rooms, an eat-in kitchen, four bedrooms and three bathrooms. Theres a backyard with swimming pool, spa and panoramic views of the San Fernando Valley as well as an attached garage that's been converted to a so-described "creative space" with a "recording room area."

Interesting tidbit apropos of nothing real estate related: Miz Najimy and Mister Finnerty were married in 1995 in New York City in a ceremony officiated by women's lib pioneer Gloria Steinem. Imagine that?

listing photos: Prudential California

Unlucky in love country music queen Taylor Swift was cryptic, antagonistic and seven kinds of sarcastic when Vanity Fair profiler Nancy Jo Sales recently asked her if she really spent $4.8 million to buy a house in Hyannis Port (M) that sits right up next door to her former boyfriend Conor Kennedy's fabled family compound on Cape Cod.

At the time these reports of her buying the 7 bedroom and 5.5 bathroom Cope Cod Colonial surfaced n all the gossip glossies she was dating the political scion but that summer romance came to an abrupt end about the time the leaves turned and weather went chilly that fall.

Said she, '"...that's a thing that I apparently do. If I like you I will apparently buy up the real=estate market just to freak you out so you leave me."'

Well, puppies, that little minx-y Grammy magnet did buy that house. However, it's now been revealed by the celebrity gossip juggernaut TMZ that a few weeks ago little Miss Swift very quietly flipped the waterfront property for $875,000 more than she paid.

Avid celebrity real estate watchers will recall that soon after she and young Mister Kennedy broke up Miss Swift quickly got with map-haired English boy bander Harry Styles and in November (2012) was much rumored and reported to be shopping for a house near the house in North London's Hampstead Heath that also 18 year old Mister Style scooped up last year for around £3 million. 'Member that? That probably wasn't true either.

Anyhoo, as far as we know Miss Swift still owns a mini-compound in Beverly Hills (CA), a ludicrously decorated duplex penthouse in downtown Nashville and a grand Neoclassical mini-mansion in a swanky gated enclave about 3.5 miles from downtown Nashville.

listing photos: Curbed via Robert Paul Properties via Zillow

SELLER: Hal and Judith Prince
LOCATION: New York City, NY
PRICE: $21,000,000
SIZE: 7,375 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4 full and 3 half bathrooms (plus a 2,000 square foot basement level with a puny staff suite)

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Thanks to the ever intrepid digital machinations of our friend and aide de camp Hot Chocolate Your Mama has learned that 21-time Tony winning Broadway producer and director Hal Prince and his wife Judith have (re-)listed their rather theatrically decorated modern meets vintage New York City townhouse with an aksing price of $21,000,000.

Mister Prince, an octogenarian with a career in The Theatre that spans more than 60 years, produced and/or directed dozens of plays, musicals and operas including but far from limted to The Pajama Game (1955), Cabaret (1966), Company (1970), Sweeney Todd (1979), The Phantom of the Opera (1988), Kiss of the Spider Woman (1993), the original and numerous revivals of Fiddler on the Roof (including the most recent one in 2005) and the recently closed revival of Evita that starred Puerto Rican bon-bon shaker Ricky Martin, a musical theater mega-hit originally directed by Mister Prince in 1978.

Property records and various online reports from the time show Mister and Missus Prince purchase their Upper East Side townhouse in December 2009 for $12,500,000. This was several months after he and his missus listed their 4,750 square foot multi-terrace duplex digs at the particularly posh 834 Fifth Avenue with a sky high asking pice of $33,000,000.*

This is not, as it turns out, the first time at this real estate rodeo for Mister and Missus Prince who first listed the six story tall and 20-foot wide Neo-Georgian townhouse back in July 2012 with a slightly higher $22 million asking price.

Some of the notable features of the Princes' townhouse pad include: A cavernous 44-floot long living room with fireplace, tiny terrace, candy apple red wall to wall carpeting and soaring 20-foot ceilings; A four-story skylit atrium over the main stair case; A fully finished basement level with various mechanical equipment rooms, laundry facility, itty-bitty staff room with equally bantam bathroom, a flexi-use "recreation room" and a sky-lit home gym set.

In addition to the elevator and the nearly hidden staircase in the ground floor foyer, the basement in general and the gym in particular can be accessed via a discrete (and discreet) glass enclosed staircase in the refurbished eat-in kitchen. Speaking of the kitchen, it's located on the ground floor behind the candy-cane inspired formal dining room. Your Mama most assuredly appreciates the size of the kitchen and the fact that it opens to the rear garden but we're more than a little betwixt and befuddled by the pill-shaped center island that's set disturbingly at an askew to the room and surmounted by a rather elaborate, industrial and lethal-looking pot rack.

There's a single bedroom space on the third floor that does not, according to the floor plan (above) have direct access to a full bathroom except by traipsing through one of the two other bedrooms on the fourth floor that each have built-in cabinetry and small but private attached bathrooms.

The fifth floor master suite is, unfortunately, composed of two separate spaces bisected by the stair hall and atrium. At the south end there's a dressing hall, large bathroom that looks over the tub into the atrium and a decent sized bedroom with a full wall of windows that probably effectively harness any available light but don't do much for privacy from the surrounding townhouse and apartment buildings. At the street-facing north end a bedroom (with private attached bathroom) has been converted into a custom-fitted dressing room.

Other creature comforts and luxurious amenities of the fully renovated townhouse include a complete Crestron home automation system throughout, all new systems and mechanicals throughout and an elevator that serves all floors including the basement but excluding the sixth floor penthouse level solarium that Mister and Missus Prince use as Pilates studio and that opens through a wall of windows to a south-facing roof terrace whimsically carpeted with faux grass.

*In early 2010 the price for Mister Prince's duplex at 834 Fifth Avenue dropped to $29,500,00. In mid 2010 it plummeted another two million to $27,500,000 and finally in November 2010 the price was chopped to $24,900,000 before it was removed from the market just before the comsumer-driven Christian holidays in December (2010). The apartment finally sold in the late spring of 2011 for its full final asking price of $24,900,000 to Blackstone president and COO Hamilton "Tony" James and his wife Amabel. The apartment has three bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms (plus two staff rooms and bathrooms), a fully paneled solarium, a 550-square foot formal living room, a formal dining room that does double duty as a library and roomy kitchen with massive butler's pantry and walk-in pantry.

Other residents in the low-key but super swank Roasrio Candela-designed pre-war edifice at 834 Fifth Avenue include Laurie Tisch, Levi's widow and hieress Miriam Haas, Charles (and Helen) Schwab, financier John Gutfreund and his internationally social wife Susan, couture clad high society fixture Carole Petrie, Bing Crosby's son Harry, Greek shipping tycoon George Livanos and Rupert Murdoch who owns the titanic triplex penthouse. One of the newest residents of 834 is high earning hedge hog Phillipe Laffont who last October (2012) paid $24 million for a low floor 15-room duplex with extensive staff quarters that include more than half a dozen staff rooms. In early 2012 multi-billionaire Robert Bass and wife Anne dropped $42,000,000 for the 12th floor sprawler sold by financier Damon Mezzacappa. For a more complete list of residents (as of late 2010) see here. 

listing photos and floor plan: Fox Residential and Brown Harris Stevens

OWNERS: Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones
LOCATION: Warick Parish, Bermuda
PRICE: $28,000 per month
SIZE: 7,381 square feet, 3-4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms (plus additional staff/guest quarters)

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Some time ago Your Mama received a covert communique from a fella who goes by the moniker Nantucket Dave who, he said, is considering relocating to Bermuda from London. In his research for a Bermudian house to call home he stumbled upon a compound near Warwick Pond that was—and, as of today, still is—listed as a partially furnished rental for $28,000 per month. Somewhat circumstantial digital evidence, some of it ferreted out by Nantucket Dave, suggests the renovated and fully staffed compound is owned by two-time Oscar wining actor Michael Douglas and his Oscar-winning actress wife Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Every celebrity reporter and property gossip around the globe knows Mister Douglas has deep maternal roots in Bermuda where he and his missus have owned their home since 2001 when—so the rumors and reports went—they paid about $2.5 million for an historic estate what is often referred to as the Longford House. Some online resources say the property spans 2.2 acres, others 2.5 acres and still others put it at more than three acres. Whatever the case, the Douglas/Zeta-Joneses made the Bermuda compound their primary residence between 2002 and 2009 at such time the family decamped their Atlantic Ocean island paradise and officially moved back to New York City where Mister Douglas was successfully treated for throat cancer.

Now, iffin we're being honest, children—and we always are, we'd admit that we're not 100% sure this Bermudian abode is the one owned by Mister Douglas and Miz Zeta-Jones. We simply can't find any direct hit matches between the few photographs included with the online marketing materials and the lush photos of the house that appeared in Architecture Digest in 2002. We also can't sync up anything specific between listing images and those that appear on the decorator Stephen Ryan's professional digital portal. However, the official online listing for the property points directly at the exact same property pinpointed on numerous aerial imagery databases easily and freely available on the internets as that of the Douglas/Zeta-Joneses.

Listing information indicates the classically Bermudian villa weights in at a hefty but hardly gargantuan 7,381 square feet and offers a roomy "formal" living room with fireplace and a more intimately scaled formal dining room with fireplace, rustic dark wood beams on the ceiling and—at least back in 2002 when it was presented in A.D.—blood red walls. The kitchen is a glorified if expensively equipped galley-style situation with impractical but gorgeous multi-toned wood floors with a high-gloss finish, light absorbing chocolate brown cabinetry, slightly more chatoyant flecked chocolate brown granite counter tops with complicated and dangerous looking corner detailing and the expected complement of pricey commercial-style appliances.

The main house has a main floor children's wing with 2-3 bedrooms and two bathrooms while the master suite consumes the entire upper floor and opens to a deep covered porch with glimmering Hamilton Harbour views.

The main floor also contains, according to listing details, a fully equipped exercise room, bathing facilities with shower space and sauna and super-sized climate controlled closets. That's climate controlled closets plural, people, because that's the way it appears in the description of the property.
In addition to the main house there are two cottages for guests and/or domestic live ins. There's a split level one bedroom apartment—called Buttery Cottage in marketing materials—plus a two story cottage with open plan living/kitchen area, two bedrooms and two bathrooms.

The grounds—be they 2.2 or more than three acres—encompass lush gardens, large lawns, a fruit ground and herb garden, red brick terraces and pathways, a gated swimming pool, tennis court and a hot tub privately situated in a so-called "'secret' garden."

While it might seem a bit bizarre to some of the children that a couple of rich and famous Hollywood veterans like Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones would deign to lease out one of their private homes to, well, strangers. However, it's much more common than regular, middle-brow people might expect, especially with folks who—like Mister D. and Miz Z.-J.—maintain a half a dozen or more high maintenance properties across the western hemisphere.

Your Mama's wholly unscientific research reveals that in addition to their spread in Bermuda, the Tinseltown royals' real estate portfolio includes but may not be limited to an apartment in the Big Apple—at the famed Kennilworth building on the Upper West Side—a fairly recently acquired country estate in Bedford, NY, a ski house in Aspen, a cliff-top villa in Majorca that formerly belonged to Archduke Ludwig of Austria, an apartment in Los Angeles' Century City, a large house in her native Swansea (Wales) that overlooks Bracelet Bay and a 5 bedroom beachfront hideout on a private island in the Turks & Caicos islands.

listing photos: Coldwell Banker / Bermuda Realty

SELLER: Serge Azria
LOCATION: Malibu, CA
PRICE: $10,750,000
SIZE: 2,571 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Now that ladies apparel mogul Serge Azria (allegedly) coughed up around $41 million for super producer Jerry Weintraub's nearly seven acre ocean front compound that sprawls across the bluffs above Paradise Cove in Malibu (CA)* he's pushed his much more modest if still horrendously pricey Point Dume digs on the open market with an asking price of $10,750,000.

Through a parent company (Dutch LLC), Tunisian-born Mister Azria—not to be confused with his better known fashion designer brother Max Azria—owns, operates and creative directs a trio of upscale (mostly) women's clothing brands. The brands (JOIE, Equipment and Current/Elliot) are sold in a couple thousand high end retailers around the world and has experienced astonishing 30-plus percent revenue and profit growth over each of the last five years. In January it was announced that Mister S. Azria sold a 60% stake in his to a global private equity group for an as yet unascertained amount of money but one significant enough, we imagine, to make a few tongue's wag with envy.

Far be it from Your Mama to understand or pass judgement on the perpetually itchy footed real estate ways of rich and famous folks like Mister Azria and his missus Florence who, property records reveal, only purchased their .57 acre bluff top mini-estate on Point Dume just over three years ago for $7,540,000.

Current listing information shows the two-story shingled Cape Cod-ish ranch house was originally built in 1964, overlooks Point Dume's long, wide and scenic Westward Beach and measures in at 2,571 square feet with just two bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms.

We don't particularly like the mixy match of materials on the exterior—you got shingles, some stacked stone, some flag stone, and whatever that kooky driveway material is—and we don't much care for the comfy looking but decided snoozy mostly earth toned day-core** but we love the monochromatic salt-licked taupe palette on the exterior and we're super appreciative of the relative humbleness of the actual structure if a bit bowled away by the ten and some million clam price tag.

The catnippish pièce de résistance for Your Mama is the lone guest bedroom for it's obvious and merciful discouragement of large groups of people inviting themselves for the weekend to soak up some summertime sun and beach side glamour. "Oh, sorry, darlings," she purred. "We only have one guest bedroom here so, you see, there's simply not enough room for you, your life-partner (and his ego), your seven multi-cultural adopted children, their retinue of traveling nannies and your brother-in-law's cousin and her friend Sal."

Anyhoo, listing photos show a spacious, open concept main living area with high-gloss wood floors throughout and a shallow vaulted ceiling. A corner, kiva-style fireplace anchors the living room area and, in the dining area, two walls of glass windows slide open to a deep wraparound wood deck with unimpeded ocean and sky views.

The expensively equipped but otherwise perfectly ordinary center-island kitchen has direct access to the two-car garage and is plenty large enough to accommodate a professional chef for hire who will likely appreciate the usual complement of commercial-style stainless steel appliances, the copious cabinet with marble counter tops and the over-sized butcher block topped center island with veggie sink breakfast bar.

The guest bedroom (and private bathroom) are located on the main floor while the roomy master suite privately occupies the entire lower level. A pony wall divides the bedroom into a cozy seating area with fireplace and built-in book shelves from the bedroom area where an extra wide wall off telescopic glass sliders open to the room to an amorphous flagstone terrace and deck-shaded veranda. Generally speaking Your Mama is not fan of the so-called pony wall but we can see how how the addition of such allowed for optimal placement of the bed. The attached master bathroom is certainly big enough but it's also a banal blizzard of ecru and beige tiles broken up by a "carpet" of greenish-bluish mosaic tiles set in a repetitive wave border around a basketweave pattern.

Between the Pacific Coast Highway and the house there's a lighted tennis court—that's painted with lines that aren't for playing tennis—and a flagstone and foliage surrounded swimming pool and slighty elevated spa. It does not appear that there's a view of the ocean from the swimming pool but probably the located is better than on the bluff side of the house where—even if it's possible to install a swimming pool—it would be more exposed to the sometimes wind that often sweeps up the coast in the afternoons.

As the land slopes away from the house towards the bluff's edge meandering flagstone paths and stairways link several (flagstone) terrace lounging and dining areas and several small decks that jut out over the bluff to harness sweeping views up and down the classically southern Californian coastline. A somewhat rickety looking gated stairway zig-zags down the bluff to the street, sand and surf below.

In August 2011 Mister and Missus S. Azria sold a 1970s vintage French Regency-style house tucked up behind the Beverly Hills Hotel for $9,700,000. The high-flying couple decamped to the 90077 zip code where in April 2011 they shelled out $21,000,000 for a seven bedroom and 12 bathroom Paul Williams-designed Colonial that had long been owned by actress Jane Wyatt (the mother on Father Knows Best) and had been completely worked over and expanded by Tinseltown power player turned high end house flipper Sandy Gallin.

*Property records show the Weintraub spread was acquired with a Limited Liability Company that links back to a commercial address in Vernon (CA), seven or eight miles southeast of downtown L.A., that is easily linked to Mister Azria and his various upscale (mostly) women's clothing brands that include JOIE, Equipment and Current/Elliot.


**Call Your Mama a cynic—and we're called far worse on the regular—but all those sickly saccharine protestations of peace and love and joy and joie everywhere just make us feel squeamish. Nor do we also don't care for some of the finishes—high gloss wood floors in a beach house just scream out "scratch me with the sand between your toes and under you flip-flops. 
listing photos: Coldwel Banker / Malibu West

SELLER: Orpheo McCord
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $787,000
SIZE: 672 square feet, 2 bedroom, 1 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama knows we're probably gonna take some flack from some of the children for discussing this itty-bitty micro-compound in L.A.'s quickly gentrifying but still boho-chic Silver Lake area rather than having a go at Mary-Louise Parker's (re-)listed 10-room residence in lower Manhattan for the third time in a year—Your Mama discussed the Gramercy Park duplex in September 2012 when it was listed for the second time—or the nearly 10,000 square foot Atlanta (GA) mansion that Allen Iverson lost to the gaping maw of foreclosure or even Zsa Zsa Gabor's somewhat bedraggled estate in Bel Air that was, after a long slog on the open market, recently put into escrow by an as yet unidentified buyer.

However, this one's for us because, well, because Your Mama has a special affection for petite but well-planned residential spaces and—as it turns out— the unusually Lilliputian home is owned, as per property records, by multi-talented musician Orpheo McCord who shakes his proverbial money makers for one of our fave bands. Quite like the not quite famous reality tee-vee producer we discussed earlier today, Mister McCord's is hardly a household name, especially for—say—gangsta rap fans or Top 40 followers. He is, however, the marimba playing percussionist and occasional vocalist of the arty-farty L.A.-based musical collective known as Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros,* a 10-plus member band that hasn't risen to pop music mass consciousness yet but one that Your Mama—thank you very much, as if anyone cares—likes more than a little bit.

Property records indicate Mister McCord acquired his Silver Lake micro-compound in February 2007 for $665,000. The eensy-weensy main house, perched high above street level single car garage on a downright puny .06 acre parcel, was originally a 1920s Spanish bungalow but was re-worked—so our online research reveals—by the folks at Design Built, Inc. into an airy if highly compact and very contemporary cottage with two bedrooms and one bathroom efficiently wedged into what the L.A. County Tax Man shows is a microscopic 672 square feet.

Obviously this is not a house in which to raise a big family but for a single person or an in-synch couple this is really no more—or less—than is required for a comfortable urban lifestyle. Indeed, Your Mama would live here in a heartbeat, especially since it's walking distance to the hipster swarmed Sunset Junction shopping and dining area where a person so inclined can pick up a $38 pound of extra special coffee beans at Intelligentsia, snag a cute little knick-knack for your b.f.f. at ReForm School, purchase some hardcore fetish wear at Rough Trade—that last one is a maybe NSFW link, children—and finish up a damn fine steak frites at perennially popular eatery Cafe Stella.

The main, open plan living space, indisputably tiny and arguably even a bit cramped, is finished with high gloss wood floors that also horizontally clad one entire wall in a more modern take on wood paneling. Aluminum framed floor-to-ceiling windows face south for maximum solar exposure and open to a small deck with over the roof-top sky views.

At the back of the main living area that a compact, galley-style kitchen has lustrous custom cabinetry, quartz slab counter tops, (middle-grade but perfectly adequate for this price range) stainless steel appliances and a cleverly cantilevered breakfast bar that separates the kitchen area from the living room. A glass door makes a convenient exit from the kitchen to a supermodel slender deck that runs along the back side of the house.

A sliding wood panel separates the living room from one of the bedrooms that listing photos show has a built-in walnet—or maybe it's teak—wardrobe cabinet/dresser and another full wall of aluminum framed south facing windows. Listing photos show Mister McCord—or perhaps a property stager, we don't know—has sparely furnished to room as a home office.

The master bedroom—if it can properly be called that since it's hardly if at all bigger than the office/bedroom and doesn't have an en suite facility—opens through a floor-to-ceiling sliding glass doors to that supermodel slender deck that wraps around the side of the house and steps down towards the entry gate.

At the back of the house, planted terraces stair step up the steep hillside to a larger, more entertainment friendly deck where the architect/designer installed a privacy fence of horizontal wood cladding that mimics the wall in the living room. A few more steps up is a detached, flexi-use ancillary structure that currently houses a simple two-room recording studio but could easily be used as a writing room or other home-based office situation, a yoga and meditation suite, a fitness space and aerobics studio, bathroom-free guest quarters or any other thing a person might imagine.

We're not sure if his decision to sell his bantam abode in Silver Lake is related but property records show Mister McCord—who previously owned a home in the remote, cedar-scented San Jacinto Mountains town of Idyllwild, CA—recently spent almost $800,000 on a charming but woefully dated hacienda style house with two bedrooms, two bathrooms and an in-ground swimming pool in a Ojai, CA.

Not that anybody gives a toxic dump's worth but besides Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros also others on regular rotation on Your Mama's music box right now include Linda Ronstadt, The Black Keys, Broken Bells, Miike Snow, Julian Doré, Robert Plant and Allison Kraus' 2007 album Raising Sand, the Alabama Shakes, Jack White's Blunderbuss and—always—a little Nina Simone for good measure.

*Just for your musical edification, puppies, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros have been touring for a couple of years, they're hardly a stranger to the public eye—they were on Letterman for chrissakes—and there is no such person named Edward Sharpe associated with this band.

listing photos: Sotheby's International Realty

SELLER: Jonathan Karsh
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,200,000
SIZE: 2,275 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 1.75 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Last week Your Mama tied things up with a brief discussion about a modestly sized Spanish-style villa in L.A.'s swanky Sunset Strip area owned by well heeled TMZ head honcho Harvey Levin and listed for $5.3 million. We're going to stay in that vein—or at least that architectural vernacular—and start off this week with an also brief discussion of an also modestly scaled but much less expensive—if not exactly cheap—Spanish style residence in L.A.'s less glitzy Franklin Hills area (between Los Feliz and Silver Lake) owned by director/producer Jonathan Karsh and listed at $1,200,000.*

Mister Karsh may not be a household name but ia none-the-less an Emmy award winning documentary film maker (My Flesh and Blood, Ted Haggard: Scandalous), the former host of the short-lived reality program Kid Nation and an increasingly active producer of mildly tawdry reality tee-vee programs (Catfish: The TV Show, My Teen Is Pregnant and So Am I, Broke and Famous, the Police Women of... franchise).

Online listings indicate Mister Karsh's casa in the Franklin Hills was first listed last July (2012) and, as of today, is currently in escrow. That's certainly some good news for Mister Karsh and his market research consultant missus Jennifer. However, hunties, unless their real estate lady managed to secure a sale price in excess of the $1.2 million asking price—don't laugh, it could happen—it looks to Your Mama like Mister and Missus Karsh are headed for a $77,000+ hit to their conjugal pocketbook since property records reveal they paid $1,277,000 for the house in August 2005.

The two-story residence, fronted by ground hugging foliage that looks like it might mostly be fairly drought tolerant, sits well above the street, was originally built in 1931 and measures in at just 2,275 square feet with 3-4 bedrooms and 1.75 bathrooms. A narrow driveway—one slender enough that Your Mama could never dream of backing out of it without ripping both sides of our BMW wagon to shreds—runs along one side of the house to a detached two-car garage behind the house at the rear of the property.

A teeny-tiny foyer is generally preferable to no foyer at all but the front door of the Karsh residence opens into a Saltillo-tiled foyer so brutally compact that it looks to Your Mama like it's simply too  minuscule for more than one person to be in at the same time. It seems to us that the door answerer must back uncomfortably and awkwardly in to the living room in order to allow the door knocker to enter the abode. Anyhoo, the closet-sized "foyer" leads into a much more pleasantly proportioned "formal" living room with well maintained narrow strip wood floors, heavy wood beams across the ceiling and three over-sized windows, two rectangular ones that flank the fireplace and a super-sized arched one with easterly views over the roof tops of the houses across the street.

A couple steps up from the living room, in the dining room, the floors switch from wood to polished Mexican paver tiles that continue into the small but well-equipped eat-in kitchen that listing information indicates was recently updated with outfitted with commercial grade appliances, simple white cabinetry and mint-ish green counter tops of unknown material that rather disturbingly almost exactly match the color of the exterior trim work. Not that it matters an iota but besides the ill-advised minty green counter tops Your Mama also does not care a lick for the paned greenhouse window over the sink.** French doors in the breakfast area end of the kitchen would probably make for a more elegant and convenient egress but, as it stands, one must traipse through the adjacent laundry room in order to get to the backyard.

Back in the living room, just to the left of the fireplace in the living room another short set of steps ascends to a narrow but ever-so-charming den/library with wood floors, kiva-type corner fireplace and floor-to-ceiling built-in bookshelves where Mister Karsh keeps both a colorful array of books and an his trio of Emmys.

The wood floors in the den/library continue into a sunny, window lined room next door that has a high pitched ceiling and side-lighted French doors that open to a small dining deck with built-in bench seating tucked into the rear of the residence, the same deck to which the aforementioned laundry room opens and which is described in marketing materials as "reminicent [sp] of a Tuscan hill town." We don't know about this hyperbolic Tuscan hill town bizness nor are 100% certain but it is this room, the one with the vaulted ceiling and deck accessing French doors, that is shows as a potential fourth bedroom in listing details. In listing photos, the room is clearly and smartly better utilized as a family room since the most easily accessible bathroom is a three-quarter number that's shared with the rest of the main floor living spaces.

Upstairs three bedrooms all have lovely wood floors, coved ceilings and newer double-paned windows on at least two walls that allow for summer time cross-ventilation. What none of the bedrooms have, however, is a private bathroom. Instead they all share a spacious but single, sky-lit bathroom with separate spa tub, stall shower and a lot of wacky white, tangerine and navy blue tile work that fights aggressively with the well-worn peach-y colored paver tiled floors.

In addition to the trellised dining deck with the built-in bench seating, the backyard offers a small and patchy but mostly flat patch of partially tree-shaded grass and a slightly raised circular spa lined with mosaic tiles.

Now listen, children, neither Your Mama or the Dr. Cooter is a size queen when it comes to real estate so we have zero issue with the amount of space the house offers but, seriously, for a million two—even in L.A.—we most certainly want a master bedroom with a private bathroom

Of course we can't say it with any real certainty but as best as Your Mama can tell from a quick spin through various property record data bases Mister (and Missus) Karsh do not own any other real estate in Los Angeles or anywhere else for that matter.

*Yes, children, we know this is some slim celebrity real estate pickings but sit tight. These things go in cycles and Your Mama will have some big(ger) name transactions to tantalize y'all with soon enough.

**For the record, Your Mama dislikes green house windows in general and not just this one in particular.
listing photos: Michael McNamara / Shooting LA for Sotheby's International Realty